Update on the boys

Hi all,

So, I'm kind of exhausted but I wanted to give you all an update. The boys are both still doing really well. I finally got to be with them yesterday afternoon (was that seriously only yesterday? Man, I can't believe they're not even 72 hours old, yet...). They are breathing on their own and being fed through a tube with breastmilk (and formula when I can't get enough to them). I'm pumping up a storm and just got a hospital grade pump to use when we're not at the hospital. Which is great because it's hard to get to the hospital as often as I need to pump while still trying to recover from the c-section.

Did you know that insurance will cover the rental costs for a hospital grade pump if you have babies in the NICU? I didn't and most of the people at the NICU didn't seem to either. My sister in law is the one who clued us into it.
It was SUCH a relief to see them yesterday. (I know I just said this, but I really can't believe that was just yesterday.) I started crying as soon as we got to the front desk of the NICU and couldn't stop crying while I touched them and watched them. I got to change their diapers which made me happy beyond belief.

Holding their hands and feet and heads we finally knew their names. Saying them out loud for the first time had me so choked up I could barely speak them above a whisper.

Introducing:
The twin formerly known as Baby A, the one causing all the trouble who is now known as...

D

The twin formerly known as Baby B who doesn't understand why his "big" (by 1 minute and 3 ounces) brother was so anxious to get out who is now known as...

S


More pictures and more info about the whole birth later. Right now, I am going to take a cue from D and S and take a nap!

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We're doing ok

I'll write more about the boys' birth story soon when I have the focus. Right now I'm still so in shock that they're born and I'm no longer pregnant because they're not with me.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I still really haven't seen them -- I was only in the same room as them for about 5 minutes before they were whisked away to the University hospital 90 miles away. I've felt so disconnected all day long. I don't feel like a mother, I feel like I'm recovering from a lap. I forget that I'm not pregnant anymore and then sometimes I forget that I ever was pregnant. I'm scared and feeling guilty that I haven't been able to bond with them.
I spent most of the day in and out of a mental fog. They gave me some medicine to help me sleep last night but it didn't help me sleep, it mostly just made me have fitful dream ridden naps all night long. And, then all day I've been so tired I haven't been able to have a conversation without falling asleep multiple times. I'm finally feeling more coherent and hoping that I'll get some real sleep tonight.
We're closer on the names but we're going to wait until we're able to both be with them together and can decide if they feel right. I feel like I want to be touching them when I officially name them.
I just feel so disconnected. I keep hearing the baby in the room next to mine crying and it makes me cry.
The nurses here have been wonderful. They've helped me pump and helped me feel better. But, I still feel like I just gave my babies away to someone else and I feel lost. My DH went down to see them today and some friends went with him. It kills me that our friends have spent more time with them than I have. This was the situation that I was dreading more than anything else -- that I'd have them up here and they'd be whisked away from me while I recovered. We tried so hard to have things set up so that I would have them down there if they came early but things happened too quickly and we couldn't.
The babies are doing very very well. I just spoke to the nurse at the NICU. They are off the respirators and breathing on their own. They are down to regular room pressure oxygen canulas I think. They are each being fed by a tube of formula mixed with my colostrum. That makes me very happy. Everyone is impressed with how well they're doing. It will still be likely 2 months before they can come home, though.
Anyway, I'm so happy they're ok but so scared and feeling very lonely and lost. My DH came back tonight to hold me while I cried and tell me it will be ok. I'm hopeful that I'll be discharged tomorrow afternoon so I can go down to see them. My parents are up here, now, and they'll come, too. Then I have to figure out a longer term solution to staying near them. We're looking into the Ronald McDonald house and some other possibilities.
I really am happy that they're doing so well and I think it will all be ok. I know I'll feel better when I can at least touch them.
Here are some pictures:
Baby A at the NICU:

Baby B at the NICU (the "glasses" we're there to protect his eyes fromt he bright light as they put in a central line):

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Edited this morning to add: I'm feeling much better after getting a few hours of actual sleep last night. I'm approved for discharge and will be heading out of here around 11 am. I had a shower and some real breakfast and am wearing real clothes and feel almost human again. I still feel weepy thinking of my sons (my sons!) being so far away, but I will get to see them in just a few hours. (Hormones kind of suck...) The plan is for my DH and I to go up to see them first while my parents check us into a hotel then my parents can come up later. (I feel like I want some time alone with them before they meet the grandparents.) I know they are in the best hands right now and I'm glad. I just really can't wait to see them. Thanks to all of you for your congratulations and your support. It means so much to me.

Well...

I guess they were ready to be born. Baby A's water broke at 6 pm and they were born at 9:40 and 9:41 pm on Friday, April 27 at 31w3d by emergency c section.

Baby boy A is 3 lb 5 oz and 17 inches

Baby boy B is 3 lb 2 oz and 15.5 inches

(We were kind of taken by surprise, so they don't quite have names, yet.)

By all accounts, by a giant team of doctors and nurses, they are doing very well, all things considered. They came out crying. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get to the "big city" to have them, so they have now been taken there to the NICU while I'm stuck recovering at the local hospital for a while. My DH is going to follow them down soon. I'll go as soon as I am able.

I'm still a bit in shock about it all. They are beautiful and I miss them already.

We feel good about how things are going but could use all the good thoughts and prayers that you have!


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Ways to stay entertained while on bed rest at home

• Schedule as many doctors appointments each week as possible.  An every other week schedule with the regular OB and a weekly schedule with the MFM is a good start.  With a 1 hour wait in the exam room of the local OB and a 3 hour round trip to the MFM, that's hours and hours of non-couch bound excitement! 
• Secretly sneak out to the grocery store with your husband in the middle of the night and ride around on an electric cart.  Why the middle of the night?  Much less likely to plow into people as you turn the corners.  The escape from the house is worth the embarrassment of riding around on the cart. 
• Wake up in the morning in a panic that someone will forget to cover your lab or exam for that day.  A great adrenaline rush.
• Respond to e-mails from students who seem to be incapable of following directions.  The eye roll and throwing of hands in the air are good exercise.
• Become addicted to "Grey's Anatomy" re-runs.  Then get really annoyed when you find out that the three-a-day episodes don't play on Thursdays.  WTF Lifetime?  
• Try to set a record for going through rolls of toilet tissue.   It's amazing what peeing every 30 minutes or so all day and night long will do when you're stuck at home.
• Determine the careful balance between saving water by not flushing each time and not over-filling the toilet with tissue to the point where it clogs and floods.  There's a very fine line.  A very, very fine line.  We may have crossed it a few times...
• Switch from couch to couch and, sometimes, relocate your head from one side of the sofa to another.  It's like being in a whole different place!
• Begin an addiction to "Draw Something."  I'm sweetsoils or sweetsoils@gmail.com if anyone wants to play... :)

30 weeks!

Hi everyone!

Just hanging out on the couch, still.  It's a fun place to be.  :)  Managed to write an exam this weekend and get some more things organized for my classes.  Still lots of grading to do.  Feeling pretty good overall.  But, I have figured out that my body has just decided that this is about all it can handle -- anything more than just lying around leads to regular contractions that are big enough to take my breath away.  And, that's not a good thing.  As long as I stay lying down, I'm fine.  But, if I do anything more than that it isn't good.  So, here I lie.  

I've been reading some twins books and have taken to watching "Make Room for Multiples" and any episode of "A Baby Story" that features twins.  It seriously strikes fear in my heart, but I'm hoping that watching enough of them will make everything a little more "real" and help me figure out what we need to do to be prepared.  Either that or send me into an anxiety attack because I don't know how we're going to be prepared.  You know, whichever.  (It's good to watch the triplet episodes or the ones where they already have toddlers because it makes me realize that it won't be THAT chaotic here...)

Appointment yesterday went well.  The boys passed their biophysical profiles, though Baby A had to be woken up with the little buzzer a few times thing to make him do his practice breathing.  My cervix is back to around the 22-24 mm mark, though opening a bit again.  Along with my normal "small" contractions, I had a couple of big ones while on the monitor.  It was a little unnerving to watch the tocometer go up so high.  But, it did give me a sense of calibration -- I've recognized some bigger ones before and now I feel like I can be a bit more specific when my doctor asks about them.  The MFM still thinks things look good.  We met the OB who will most likely deliver the boys.  She is astoundingly energetic -- especially considering it was about 5:30 and they were technically closing up for the day.  We liked her.  She works really closely with the MFM and has lots of experience with multiples -- she did her residency in a multiples clinic and has even delivered quintuplets!  So, twins are a walk in the park for her. 

Thought I'd do an update:

-----------------

How far along?: 30 weeks! (30w2d now)  I'm so grateful to see that "3" in there.  It just feels SO much farther along than anything in the 20s.  Apparently now our goals come in two week intervals -- 32 weeks is the next milestone and 34 is apparently the best one to pass.  After that, everything else is gravy.

Weight? :  40 pounds.  I went through a two week period of gaining nothing and then suddenly spiked up 8 pounds.  Then, got stuck there again.  My body is just weird.  I'm hoping so much to get these kids as big as they can be.  I have no idea how my weight right now correlates to that -- I just keep eating and hoping it helps.

 
Maternity Clothes?:  Well, at the moment, all I'm doing is lying around in my living room.  I do, however, make sure that I take a shower and put on "real" clothes every day.  Helps me feel less useless.  So, I've been rotating through various maternity shirts and big t-shirts and comfy pants/leggings.  Yesterday I actually had to leave the house, so I wore real pants and a comfy shirt.  It's nice to dress for comfort and not to try to look professional.

 
What's the belly look like?:   I can't decide if I'm seeing stretch marks on one side of my belly or if my t-shirts are making permanent wrinkles from lying on the side!  I think it's stretch marks.  Belly button has completely flattened out and is sticking out on the bottom.  Overall, the belly is looking quite bulbous if you ask me.  My non-doctory measurement says that I'm measuring at about 40 or 41 weeks, now.   I think the belly is starting to spread more horizontally.  New picture over on the ticks page.  I swear I look bigger than that.  I think it's the shirt.

Sleep?:   Now that I don't have to get up at 6 am, I've been sleeping in a little bit.  It's kind of nice because being able to sleep in makes up for the multitudes of night time pee breaks.  I figure this is probably the last time I'll ever be able to do this so I should take advantage of it while I can!

Best Moment of the Week?:  My Skype Shower with family back home was on Sunday.  It was nice -- though kind of awkward. I just showed up on a giant screen in my aunt's living room for about 30 minutes smiled, waved, showed off the belly, showed all the things in my living room that people had already sent and then ooh'd and aah'd over the things they'd brought with them to the party for my mom to send up to me.  I think they then stayed around eating and drinking and talking for at least another two hours.  It was a little odd to not really be there and to feel like I was just showing up to get presents.  But, it was still really nice and we are pretty much outfitted with strollers and car seats, now, which is INCREDIBLE.  

Oh, and filing our taxes and realizing that we'll be getting a big refund due to crazy medical expenses last year.  That was definitely a nice moment.

Movement?:  Lots of it.  They seem to go through phases of calm and then suddenly it's like they're kickboxing each other.  It's crazy!  It's amazing how much you can see it from the outside.  One of these days I'll manage to capture it on video.  I think I feel Baby A more than Baby B because Baby B has more fluid -- his fluid levels are actually a little on the "higher than normal" side which is kind of ironic given that we had issues with low fluid when on the first med. 

Symptoms?:  Contractions, peeing a lot.  The usual. Occasional headaches and bouts of lightheadedness from the nifedipine.  Exhaustion and more contractions if I overdo it.  And by overdoing it I mean, you know, walking around the house.

Food?:  My DH has figured out that the best way to find something that I'd like to eat is to just make something and bring it to me and I'll probably eat it.  If he asks me what I want or names things that I might eat, nothing sounds good.  A friend from work brought over veggie enchiladas the other day for us for dinner which was just awesome. 

Gender?:   Two boys!! 

What I Miss?:   Getting out of the house.  Although, I don't really miss going to work or dealing with students' complaints...

What I'm Looking Forward To:  The semester ending so we can focus on the babies' room.  Just a little over 2 weeks until the end of finals.  Then grades are due a week later.  Then, hopefully we can do something. Finally.  

Weekly Wisdom:  Lie down.  It's a good thing.

Milestones:  Getting into the 30's. Each week we pass, now, is awesome.  I'm hoping we're going to be one of those ironic stories where you're put on bed rest because of possible pre-term labor and end up "going the distance."  Works for me.

How's Daddy?:  Stressed about work.  And, he's had a cold for a few days so he feels pretty crappy.  But, he's been wonderful with helping me and making sure I'm staying resting.  He has a group of friends that he sends updates to -- kind of like his own little blog.  I don't usually see the updates but someone just cc'd me on a reply that had what he'd written for the last two updates in it.  It was really sweet to read what he'd written.  He's so cute.  

Emotions:  Up and down as always.  Bed rest gives you a lot of time to think.  Feeling a little anxious about some things at work, still.  I'm not quite ready to let it all go, yet.  But, in general, feeling pretty good.  Not ridiculously bored, yet.  It is starting to hit me what it is going to be like when we bring home two newborns.  Yowsa.  Excited.  But, yowsa.


Thanks for all your support!

Tales from the couch

It's a really good thing we got new living room furniture last year because I'm going to be on it a lot, it seems.  It is definitely starting to take up the imprint of my butt.  My DH is entertained when he comes into the room and I've switched sides.

Anywho, here I am, on the sofa.  Hanging out.  I tried working Tuesday and Wednesday mornings -- just class (which I've been do from a sitting position) and then home.  But, it was clearly overdoing it.  My body just wasn't happy with it.  Contractions were in full force and I felt terrible.  So, that's it for me.  I'm still kind of working as I still have some things I have to prepare for my classes (exams and homework) and lots and lots to grade (because I've absolutely sucked at that lately -- I blame the meds and pregnancy exhaustion).  But, I'm done for the semester in class.  It's actually good timing -- I'm only missing 2 weeks of classes and finals.  So, technically, I'm only out three contract weeks. 

Last semester I taught in a high tech classroom and all my lectures are recorded on-line along with all my lecture notes from the Smart board.  Since one of the classes I'm teaching this semester is the same as one last semester, I'll give the students access to those videos for the last two weeks.  It's not ideal, but it will work for a short period.  Colleagues are picking up my other classes and labs.  I'm trying to let it all go as much as possible...  It's not easy.  I'm definitely not good at letting things go or asking for help.  But, after two days of trying to stick it out, I know I really can't do it.

I've been letting my classes and teaching and research assistants know what is going on.  I've gotten the sweetest notes back from some of my TAs and RAs.  It makes me a bit sad to know that I'm going to miss chatting with them as they get ready to graduate in a few weeks.
The nifedipine really hasn't been bad at all.  I had a migraine the first day (but it's gone now) and I occasionally feel my blood pressure drop and feel a bit "off", but it's much better than the other med.  I feel a lot more in control of my brain.  (That sounds weird.)  The indomethacin was making me really loopy and also triggering my anxiety and the new med actually seems to make me more calm.  Which, given my propensity for anxiety is a good thing.  My mind feels a lot clearer than it did.

My DH thinks that the major side effect it seems to be causing is something weird with my breathing at night.  Apparently for the last two nights I've snorted and coughed and snored and mumbled in my sleep all night long.  It's either the med or pregnancy in general.

We had another check-up this morning and the babies look good.  We had to wait a while to get them to do their practice breathing (they are supposed to move their diaphragms continuously for 30 seconds at some point within a 30 minute session) and, at one point, Baby B was elbowing Baby A in the belly like he was telling him to get a move on.  I'm really fascinated to see how they'll interact with each other outside of the womb.  It's so interesting to think about how much stimulation they get from each other right now. 

My cervix shortened some more and is right on the 20 mm border, now.  But, it's not funneling and the nifedipine seems to have helped stem the contractions a lot more (which I think is what is keeping it from funneling), so the MFM thinks things are pretty stable.  But, to keep things stable, I have to stay on the couch.

So, here I sit.  Or lie, rather.  Must think of things to do to entertain myself!  Tuesday there was a Eureka marathon and that was awesome.  (Side note:  I'm so, so sad that Eureka's last season is starting next week.  I love that show.  Anyone else watch?)  Lots of reading and grading and knitting, I think. 

That's about it for now.  Just hanging out.  Hum de dum. 

Yet another update

Hi all,

Overall, things are good.  My cervix looked better today than it did on Friday, so the meds worked.  Unfortunately, I can't stay on that particular tocolytic any more or we risk losing fluid again.  So, we're moving on to another one -- nifedipine.  The side effects of this one look less than fun -- especially since the previous one wasn't actually supposed to make me light headed and wonky and it did anyway.  This one actually has "light headed and wonky" on its list of side effects.  (I'd really like to see the term "wonky" on an official list of side effects, wouldn't you?)

The boys both look great.  They both passed their biophysical profiles -- muscle tone, practice breathing, etc.  They had a growth scan and are both a little on the small side (about the 30th percentile), but still OK.  They're estimated to be within 3 grams of each other!  They do this a lot.  When they do the NST, the machine keeps beeping and saying that both heartrate monitors are on the same baby because their heartrates stay so consistently together.  But, really, they're not.  They just seem to pace each other.  It's bizarre.

Yay for 29 weeks tomorrow!

This weekend I basically stayed on the sofa in various rooms.  Lying down, the contractions were minimized.  But, whenever I stand up, they hit again.  Sigh.  Guess we know what that means -- time to lie down.

The MFM is giving me a day to see how work feels.   I'm going to attempt to work one more day tomorrow and see how it goes -- mostly because I need to talk to some people and get things figured out for the rest of the semester.  I have a feeling once I start this new med I'm not going to be able to do much, anyway.

The part of my brain that is completely fried by these meds (which is most of it) is looking forward to stopping work.  I swear, I truly can't think clearly.  But, the remaining part of my brain is feeling anxious about what will happen with my students for the next 3 weeks.  In reality, it's a very small amount of time left in the semester and there are some options that aren't so bad.  I just feel kind of crappy about having to do it.

But, I'd do anything for these boys so if lying on my side for the next two months (thinking positively) is what I need to do, then that's what we'll do.  I don't know how long they'll have me on the new med.  Not sure if it's long term or just until things calm down a bit.  I go back to the MFM either Thursday or Friday for another check.

On a happy note -- our cribs showed up today!  As did the snap-n-go double stroller!  Amazingly generous family members have our car seats (both infant and convertible) on the way as well.  We are so truly lucky to have so many people who love us and our little boys.  Our living room is starting to look like an Amazon and Target warehouse!

Thanks to all for thinking about me and checking in!  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Appointment Update

Home from the MFM.  Best part of that sentence?  Home!

So, my cervix went from 25-30 mm on Wednesday to 20-24 mm today and it is funneling a lot more.  So, that's not a good thing.  And, I'm contracting quite a bit.   But, overall it still isn't below 20 mm and the babies both still look very good.  But, the combination of the contractions, shorter cervix and fFN have the doctor concerned.  He considered sending me to the hospital for a few days to go on magnesium sulfate, but he thinks that the tocolytic I was on before (indomethacin) will be as effective and we're still in a window where we can use it for brief periods of time.

So, I'm back on the med (and already feeling the loopifying effects) but at a lower dose and only from now until Tuesday.  Hopefully enough to keep the contractions down but not long enough to have a big impact on the fluid levels again.  He also gave me the first of two steroid injections to help mature the boys' lungs just in case.  He started talking about how to get the second dose 24 hours later (since it will be a Saturday) and trying to figure out how to coordinate the injection at L&D at our local hospital.  My DH and I were both thinking "uh, IM injection in the hip?  Yeah, we can so totally do that ourselves."  He finally looked at us and remembered HOW we got into this pregnancy and said "oh, or you could probably do it."  We all kind of laughed.  I said "yeah, we even have extra needles and a sharps container at home."  So, my DH is very excited to get back into the injecting saddle!  (Or, maybe not...)

I'm on bed rest for at least the weekend.  We go back down to the doctor's office on Monday afternoon for another check.  If I start contracting a lot while on bed rest, I'm to go to the hospital and get on mag sulfate.  Hopefully that won't happen.

I also coordinated it so I did my glucose tolerance (1 hr) test at the MFM today.   It's a little awkward to try to get your blood drawn while simultaneously having a non-stress test and having to use one hand to hold one of the sensors in place (with the kick counter in the other hand) because Baby B was in a strange position.  The height of multitasking!  Anyway, the orange stuff was icky but not too bad.  The babies definitely enjoyed the sugar rush!  Hopefully all will be clear with that.

Anywho -- seriously the brain fog is starting to set in from the meds, so I think I'll stop typing now before I lose the ability to have a coherent thought!  Thanks for all of your good thoughts yesterday.  I feel confident that we're going to be OK and the boys aren't coming out soon -- we just need to be cautious to make sure that's true.

Checking in -- UPDATED

Howdy!  Just figured I would check in.  I'm waiting for a meeting to start and then a lab and I can't figure out what to do with myself for 30 minutes that is useful.  I could continue the grading I was working on...but I am SO tired of grading.  Sigh... I'm just going to have to do it tonight at home if I don't do it, now.  But, I guess that's what I'll do.  I just don't want to look at it right now!!

Anyway...  things are good.  We're 28 weeks!  My scan yesterday showed that all was the same from last week.  So, that's really great.  I haven't heard the results of yesterday's fFN, yet, but hopefully it will continue to be negative.  Their fluid levels are even better than last week, so that's a huge relief.  With all the extra room, they've been moving around like crazy, too.  Baby A has finally gotten out of this weird head tucked under position he's been in for almost two months.  I had my first official NST as well as my normal contraction monitoring session.  The babies were in some kind of crazy kickboxing mood, though, so it was really hard to keep the heart rate monitors on them.  Another growth scan next week and then we also start the more detailed biophysical profile measuring practice breathing and other things that I'm not sure of...  Both A and B have already been caught practice breathing -- so cool to watch!

We're starting to get flooded with shower gifts.  My Skype shower with family back home is a week from Sunday.  Family are either sending us gifts beforehand or bringing them to the shower in Atlanta and having them shipped up here (or driven up with my parents) later.  The growing pile is awesome but it's making my DH crazy.  There's still no real place to put them as the babies' room is still in transition.  So, everything is blocking the living room and my DH is getting frustrated.  I felt like he was angry with me about it -- I can't do anything about it.  We're really in limbo until the semester is over and we can tackle some more organization.  We just need the next three or four weeks to go by as quickly as possible so we can move forward.

My parents bought us our cribs and mattresses and they should be arriving next week!  So exciting!  (Although, I'm sure my DH will be annoyed as they take up more room...)  We ended up going with the mini-cribs because, when we measured the space, we realized that there was no way two regular cribs were going to fit in the room with any reasonable space around them.  We'll figure out the transitions as we go.  If it seems like we need regular ones, we'll figure something out.

I'm feeling very nervous about making sure we get everything we need.  I think the problem right now is that we have some people who have said they have stuff for us, but we're not sure what it is.  And, then we're waiting to see what happens with the showers so we haven't shopped for anything ourselves.  And, of course, there's the major problem that the only store in town is Wal-Mart, so I can't even just do some little shopping here and there each week because there just aren't any good baby stores.  When we're in the "big town" once a week, we don't really have much time for it, either.  My DH is supposed to be sending out a request to the people who've said they have things for us to let us know specifically what they are willing to sell, lend or give us so we can get a little more organized.  It's making me crazy because I really want to get a jump on this.  But, it isn't happening.  I think my DH sees it as "it can all wait until school is out" and I just need to get some things going earlier than that!

But, overall, all is going well.  I'm incredibly ready for the semester to be over.  Tomorrow is my regular OB appointment and my GD test.  Hopefully that will all be clear!

Hope everyone has a nice Easter or Passover if you celebrate either.  I'm missing my family for Passover, but I'm feeling so distracted and exhausted that the thought of even considering trying to do something on my own for it is the farthest thing from my mind!  Thank goodness for a 3 day weekend -- we don't have Good Friday off but we have the Monday after Easter off for "spring" break.  Really just a way to give the students an extra day to spend Easter with their families and then make it back to campus on Monday.  A little bizarre, but I'm certainly not complaining.  I'm very glad for the break!!

Regardless of what you do or don't celebrate, I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

UPDATE -- Well, my fFN was positive.  Which means that things are just uncertain.  If it was negative it means that it is unlikely I'll go into labor in the next two weeks.  Positive doesn't mean that I will -- it just means that I might.  So, I'm going back down tomorrow for another scan and for monitoring.  I'm nervous but trying to stay positive.