Stupid statistics, jinxing myself and a possible "woohoo!"

When it rains, it pours.  Just yesterday I was thinking "I started a blog and now I have nothing to say."  Now I've got lots...

Number 1:  A rant
How many of you caught the report yesterday telling us, again, how we're all horrible for waiting to have kids?  New research (done by people who did complicated math, not actual measurements of eggs) says that at age 30 women  have only 12 % of their eggs remaining and, by 40, only 3 %.  Note that this is something like 30,000 eggs, still, at age 30.  The reporters then went on to confront women who were at the gym and looked like they were in their 30s and made them feel guilty for "putting their careers first."  Obviously these are horridly selfish women -- they're single and they're on a treadmill!!  OMG, that's a hanging offense!  Yes, because the only reason that women ever wait to have kids is because of their careers.  OK, so I have a good career and I put a lot of energy over the past 15 years into getting here -- but I also have an incredibly happy, stable marriage with a man I know will be there for me and my children.  And, yes, we were together three years before we started TTC.  Would it have been better for me to run out when I was 25 and hook up with someone just to have a kid before my "eggs get bad?"  Would it have been better if I jumped into an unhappy marriage with the first guy I saw at 22 because "there's only a limited amount of time?"  Having a stable career and good relationship and being able to actually provide for a family is worth the wait -- no matter how few eggs I have left!

My mother got married at 20 because she was desperate to get out of a bad situation in college.  Her husband was a bad choice for her.  She started TTC at 24 or 25 and didn't have me until she was 27.  The relationship was terrible and they finally divorced when she decided to go back to school when I was 4 and my father couldn't handle her having her own life.  If she had stayed in that relationship, I think her mental health would have suffered so much that she may not have survived.  I spent my entire childhood shuttling back and forth between a wonderful loving mother and step-father (though I wouldn't have admitted he was great at the time...) and a selfish, emotionally abusive father who paraded me around as a substitute for when he couldn't find a date.  I haven't seen or spoken to my father since I was 16.  So, yeah, you might say that I am a little jaded in the relationship department and wanted to make sure that I found the right man to be the father of my children and not just "a man."  (Note:  I'm not saying anything bad about my mother's choices, she was desperately anxious at the time (it was the 60s and mental health problems weren't really respected) and has gone on to be in an incredible relationship and have *gasp* a wonderful career.  She's the strongest woman I know and an incredible role model and that comes from the life she's experienced.)

Anyway, I get so upset when people make assumptions that I've been selfish for waiting to have kids!  I read "A few good eggs" which spends the entire book saying that you shouldn't feel guilty about the problems you're having getting pregnant and then proceeds to tell you over and over again that it's your fault for waiting so long!!!  Ugh.

I will not feel guilty for waiting to be happy and mentally healthy and "ready" before I tried to be a mother!!

Phew.  OK, moving on...

Number 2:  Jinxing myself
I want a minivan.  Seriously.  I want a minivan!!  I want to have a giant van with a carseat (or two) and a back half full of kids toys and strollers and bags.  I want a van with seats covered in sticky juice and cookie crumbs.  I want to be the one who laughingly apologizes to my friends for the mess when I give them a ride but we all get to silently chuckle at how messy kids can be.

So, I just renewed my car's registration.  In Missouri, you can choose to renew for one year or two.  For the first time ever, I chose one year.  Did I just jinx myself by hoping desperately that by this time next year I will either be pregnant or have a baby and finally have a reason to trade in my car for a minivan?  Sigh...

Number 3:  A possible "woohoo!"
It appears that Missouri has possible legislation pending this year to require insurance companies to provide infertility coverage (testing and treatment) including up to four IVF cycles!!  Who knows if it will actually go through, but what a wonderful possibility.  Of course, this potentially provides us with a dilemma (that I didn't think about until I mentioned the legislation to my DH last night).  Our plan right now was to try IUI until summer break and most likely move on to IVF if nothing has happened by then.  But, now, if we knew that in January our IVF cycles would be covered by insurance, it would be kind of hard to justify taking that step earlier.

Of course, this is all my fault and if I had just not been so selfish none of this would be a problem, right?!