Phew, a day less internet withdrawal than I thought. ;) One of the families we were going to visit all came down with the flu so we came back early. While I'm sad because we've been trying to see them for a year and a half (as long as we've been trying to get pregnant...) I'm glad because we cut out about 12 hours of driving and I get to sleep in my own bed!!
As to the b*tchy part. I'm going to blame Femara. I totally snapped at my DH on the phone today over the stupidest thing. I even used the F-word! That NEVER happens!! Well, I'm all for cursing like a drunken sailor while driving or at the TV or at my computer. But, I generally use quite nice and sweet language when it comes to actual people. (I was raised by a genteel southern lady.) Then I spent most of the rest of the day cursing around the house and feeling like a total b*tch. Cursing our house, cursing my DH, cursing our jobs, cursing my friends, cursing my family. Blech
Yep, I'm blaming Femara. Much more subtle nasty moods than Clomid, but definitely still makes me feel really like a real b*tch sometimes.
Oh, I just wish this was over. All I could think today was how much I wish I was beyond IF. Whatever our final outcome is, I just want to be at a point in my life where IF wasn't the only thing I think about every day. I want to be at a place where I actually can enjoy other things and focus on work. Where I'm not afraid that, at any moment, I might go into a hormone induced rage. I don't know if that time will come because I get pregnant or we reach a point that we give up, but I just want to be in a place where I think about other things.
Hi Rebecca!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. It can be so draining. Even without drugs and procedures, just the energy that it takes to hope for something so deep for so long!
Try to cut yourself (and DH) some slack. There are bound to be bad days, with or without TTC and you have to go through the steps you need to feel at ease with yourself.
Try doing something nice for DH today - he'll appreciate it and you'll feel good too.
Before you know it, you'll have a screaming baby in the house, so take the time for romance now, so you can make it through those sleepless nights without growing apart.
I hope your appetite for life never dwindles, regardless of bad days, and that good things come your way very soon, including, of course, offspring!
Whenever you need to vent, we're here!
((hugs))
Ana
Isn't it weird to all of a sudden be dropping curse words like a sailor? Sometimes I feel like I should wash my mouth out with soap. Or something.
ReplyDeleteTrying to think about IF related things is hard. Going cold turkey is even harder. Just one step at a time.
Oh man, your last paragraph is right on the money. I just want to know how this all turns out. What the final outcome will be. It's torture! Hang in there - hope you're feeling a bit better (I'd totally blame Femara, too)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on that last paragraph. I'm starting to wonder if things will EVER go back to normal. Sorry you are going through a hormone-induced rage and I hope you start to feel better soon. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI've totally been where you are with the hormones! (((HUGS)))!!! remember you are never alone!
ReplyDeleteClomid and femara were super hard on my DH...because it made me a total beeeotch =) Happy you are home and get to sleep in your own bed. Hopefully this will be your last time through the hormone hell...
ReplyDeleteSorry femara is treating you so badly! I hope you are feeling better soon!
ReplyDeleteFeamara and Clomid ... I just called them the coockoo pills. It's incredible how big of an efect they have on our brains & our mood. Poor DH's.
ReplyDeleteI hope the bad s/e will clear soon for you.
(((HUGS)))