You guys really are wonderful

Hello to everyone out there in blogland.

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all that you are for me.  Your comments on my past few posts have made me feel so supported and part of such a strong community and made this hideous process much better.

I can't tell you how much it meant to hear your support about my letter to my Spider Baby.  It's funny, when I started writing that post, I was just going to recognize the day and move on.  But, something came over me and it just started to come out.  I feel like it was the first time I really put down on "paper" all of my feelings about the loss to this point.  It meant a lot to me to write it and I had no idea what sort of response to expect. 

And, I've found myself reading and re-reading the comments on my post about where we go now.  It amazes me that so many of you took the time to write something so thoughtful and helpful about where you've found yourselves and where we might go.  It has made me feel supported and less alone.

OK, so, anyway.  You guys are all awesome.  That's just what I wanted to say.

As an update -- I have finally scheduled an appointment with the new RE.  It isn't until December 14th, though.  They did say that as soon as I get paperwork back to them and they get my other RE's file then they might be able to move it up.  I felt kind of like an idiot talking on the phone to their receptionist.  Listening to myself I felt like a demanding, annoying patient.  I don't know that it was actually true, but that's what it made me feel like.  We'll see how it goes. 

I collapsed emotionally after I made the appointment.  I cried to my DH and cried to myself.  I felt so drained and upset and just frustrated.  It seems that, unless we get an earlier appointment with the new RE, we're going to be waiting out 6 months, anyway.  I wasn't really expecting to get an earlier appointment than that at a new place, but it seemed to have opened up something in me.  

I likely have two cycles before the appointment.  I feel like I want to DO SOMETHING before then.  But, we'll probably just wait it out.  I like the idea of doing a couple of non-monitored Femara cycles but I'd feel a little awkward asking my old RE to prescribe something right when they're getting a request for file transfer.  She'd probably want a baseline scan and we'll be out of town at the beginning of my next cycle so that wouldn't work, anyway.

Right now I'm waiting out this cycle.  I'm 11 DPO and expecting AF on Thursday.  My temps dropped considerably a few days ago and I'm not sure if AF will come early or if it is just because I've had a cold for a week and things are all just "off" from normal. 

We went to a wedding this weekend for one of my DH's friends.  It was nice.  The father-of-the-groom made a toast that ended with "And, I'm ready to be a Granddad!"  Everyone else laughed and clapped and hooted and I just sat there thinking "F*** you, you demanding prick." 

My voice finally came back!

This was sort of rambling. 

So, to sum up:  You are all wonderful, I made an appointment with a new doc, I fell apart, I'm waiting for the next cycle to start, I'm feeling for my DH's friends if they don't get pregnant quickly (I don't think they'll even be trying soon) because they're going to have some serious pressure to deal with, I can finally speak above a whisper and my brain is rambling!

That is all.  Carry on.