Dear Similac

It's not that I'm ungrateful.  I'm not.  If I were actually due with a baby in two weeks then I would really appreciate the complimentary box of formula that was delivered with a bewildered grin and glance at my stomach by the mailman this Christmas Eve.  I'm sure I don't look like the typical woman he's dropped these off for in the past -- either "about to pop" or with a hungry baby.  I plan on trying to breastfeed, but I also know I may need to supplement or that breastfeeding might not work for us for a myriad of reasons and having a box of formula would be great. 

If I were pregnant.

But, I'm not. 

I waited until I was 7 weeks pregnant and had seen the heartbeat (low chance of miscarriage after that, or so they say) to register with two on-line "your baby week-by-week" websites.

I made sure to check "do not give my name to your partners," but you're so sneaky that you got it anyway.

When I lost my baby five weeks later I took my name off of all of those lists.  Not that it's easy -- you can't really check a box that says "miscarriage" on your profile.  You just do your best to unsubscribe or "change your due date." 

I got a few coupon books from you about four months ago.  It made me sad, but I figured that was all it would be.

But this early Christmas present, while very sweet, just reminds me -- in case I'd forgotten -- of what "should have been" right about now.  And that, instead, I'm preparing for surgery to be performed the day before I was supposed to be "due."

And, it does make me sad. But, at the same time, for the first time in a while I have a lot of hope right now. We have a new plan and I want to think it will be a fruitful one.

I wanted you to know, though, that I'll be donating that box, unopened, to the local food bank along with a check in memory of my loss.

And, believe me, the next time (and there will be a next time), I won't be registering on any of those lists.

Sincerely,

Rebecca