Oh. My. G-d. Seriously? Seriously? If you're a mother you can wear a ring with multiple gemstones. If you're not, apparently, you have "no right to wear it?!" No right?
DEAR ABBY: A friend recently purchased a mother's ring from a pawn shop. When "Caron" told me about it, I told her she didn't have the right to wear one because she's not a mother. I discussed it with some other friends and they agreed with me, but Caron says I "overreacted" and that everyone is on HER side.
Caron says it's "just a ring" with different colored stones and she has every right to wear it if she wants to. The women who agree with me say a mother's ring is set with varied birthstones to commemorate the birth of a child born in a certain month, and that's why Caron has no right to wear it.
Caron says I'm crazy and need a therapist. She's ending our 10-year friendship because I will not agree with her. Am I right or wrong? -- RING OF TRUTH IN ARKANSAS (From Dear Abby, 08-21-11)
Let me guess. Those "other friends" are all self-righteous, holier-than-thou mothers just like you. The kind who think that the only way that a woman can have worth and be an adult is if she's carried a child in her uterus and pushed him or her out living and breathing. The kind who think they deserve "push presents." The kind who tell me that I "can't know what it's like to really love someone" until I have a child.
First of all, you have no idea what that ring means to Caron. She might really feel that it is "just a ring." She might also be commemorating events in her life that you couldn't possibly understand. And, I would have to guess that she's ending your 10-year friendship because you have spent the last few days essentially saying to her "you're not a mother, so you don't count." And, you've probably been saying that to her with more subtle actions during your entire relationship.
I don't always agree with Abby's responses, but this time she got it right:
DEAR RING OF TRUTH: A ring with multicolored stones is not a military medal. There are no laws or official rules governing who may or may not wear one. Shame on you for trying to take the pleasure out of her purchase, and that you would drag others into your disagreement with Caron is disappointing and puzzling. (From Dear Abby, 08-21-11)Caron, you are better off without this woman or her friends in your life. I hope her sour attitude hasn't kept you from enjoying the treat that you have given yourself. Jewelry has no inherent "meaning" other than what we give it. Enjoy your ring and whatever it means to you -- even if it is just something sparkly.
Some people are just ridiculous, controling and flat out crazy. I agree with you that Caron is better off without this lune as a "friend".
ReplyDeleteOMG, OMG! I say Caron, you are better be rid of such a 'friendship' in your life. I am pretty sure there are plenty of beautiful, supportive people around you ready to be admitted. Go get those stones, Girl! and celebrate.
ReplyDeleteUgh, there is SO MUCH ignorant and stupid out there! Right on, Abby. Who IS this idiot?? Sigh. I'm sorry you even had to read that. That anyone did. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteWow. just.... wow!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, that woman is crazy and I'm pretty sure that is why Caron doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I cannot believe such crazy people are out there!
ReplyDeleteWho are these women?! Not friends of mine! Abby just redeemed herself only a bit after her response about an adoption fundraiser being inappropriate because the couple should just foster-to-adopt if they can't afford infant adoption. Did you happen to catch that one?
ReplyDeleteApparently we need a 'Dear Miss Infertility Etiquette' column to counter all the bad advice given by Dear Abby and Miss Manners concerning pregnancy and motherhood, attending baby showers, infertility and adoption, etc.
What. a. bitch. I completely agree with Abby on this one (and that doesn't happen often).
ReplyDeleteWow - I would never be able to identify a "mother's ring" and even if I could I wouldn't spend my time judging others in their choice of wearing one. She found pretty ring in a thrift shop - what kind of a nutcase becomes upset about that?
ReplyDelete@jill -- I did see Abby's "foster to adopt" response recently. It made me sick to my stomach and just about as angry as this woman's question!!
ReplyDeleteI've never wished your name was Abigail Von Buren so bad in my life.
ReplyDeleteJust another example of the ridiculous level some people place on becoming a mother. I mean, on the one hand I worked hella hard to become one but on the other hand, it's not it's a rare thing (which yes, I know, as a five time IVF failure is more annoying than most things) but it's not like it's a one in a million thing. It's not like it was a Super Bowl ring, sheesh.
ReplyDeleteUgh, perfect example of what we all face- all the time. Who makes a big deal out of something like this? WOw! Thanks for posting! My afternoon outrage of the day!
ReplyDeleteWhat a rude interruption to your breakfast! Thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteWow....what a way to start your day! Love the response at least!
ReplyDeleteOh, that is laughable. I bet those women have nothing to do but go to lunch and discuss/judge each other's latest jewelry purchases.
ReplyDeleteWhat the sweet motherfuck. No pun intended. Not to mention, IT WAS AT A PAWN SHOP. Who sells their magical mommy ring to a fucking pawn shop?
ReplyDeletedamn. That is effing insane! Maybe she bought it because - wait for it....it was pretty!?! Guess what, I was given one of those Willow Tree figures of an angel holding a little boy before Tim & I even decided to start trying. I still don't have a child (living or lost) but I still keep it because I like it. I am thisclose to going off on mothers who think they're better than women who do not have children. You didn't do anything special bitch. I know this is horrible, but it's women like her that make me wish all women had infertility so when they were able to conceive they would see it for the miracle that it is instead of something they shoot out of their ute and show off to other people.
ReplyDeleteSorry hon -- I'm practically bent over in pain with flo cramps and reading this sent my PMS a little over the edge.
good night, i swear some of the people out there are mental
ReplyDeleteWOW. I'm completely at a loss for words, all I can come up with is WOW. I'm pleasantly surprised at Abby's response. But WOW. I hope 'Caron' has politely told her 'friend' to fuck off!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Thanks to Dear Abby for getting it right! That woman needs to work on her priorities...and how to treat a friend!
ReplyDeleteUnbelievable! At least Abby got it right...
ReplyDeleteI guess by this logic no woman who isn't engaged or married can ever wear a diamond ring, since everyone knows that "a diamond is forever" and only meant as a symbol of everlasting love.
ReplyDeletePeople are nuts.