20 weeks, my first "official" update

OK, so it's time to bite the bullet.  I'm 20 weeks pregnant -- well, 20w3d to be precise -- and I need to start to officially believe this is happening.  So, I'm going to go for it and fill out one of those pregnancy memes.

And, I've even added one of those disturbing floating baby widgets over to the right somewhere.

And, I've added a new page for photos -- "The Ticks."  Yes, that's right, I'm going to show the bump!  :)  

Take a deep breath.  Here goes nothing:

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How far along?: 20 weeks -- more than halfway since the most they'll let me go is 38 weeks

Weight?:  23 pounds gained.  Holy mackerel.  But, it's exactly where they want me for twins (the doctor said 20-25 by week 20).  So, I keep taking a deep breath and saying "look at how good I am at gaining crazy amounts of weight!"  The skinny girl inside of me had just better shut her trap.


Maternity Clothes?:  Pants have been all maternity since about week 12.  Most t-shirts are maternity because the others are just too short.  I'm wearing a lot of open cardigans and longer sweaters.  They're a mix of both maternity and non. 

What's the belly look like?:  It looks like I've turned my belly button into a tattoo of the sun.  There's also a red circle around "the equator."  My belly button has become a slit and I appear to be already developing a linea nigra -- my DH is the one who noticed it.  I find myself fascinated by the whole thing.  I stare at my belly constantly.

Sleep?:  My back is aching so sleep has been tough.  I'm up about twice a night to pee.  But, not too bad.

Best Moment of the Week?:  Our scan Wednesday.  Last week my scan showed that my cervix was funneling and shortening to about 35 mm under contractions -- the doctor wants it in the 40s at this stage.  I've been having lots of contractions when I stand to lecture or walk across campus.  They, apparently, are not bad because they go away when I relax, lie on my side, etc.  But, the contractions were shortening my cervix so I needed to make them stop.  So, I moved my classes so I wouldn't have to walk so much and I've been forcing myself to sit.  And drinking water like it's going out of style.  And, Wednesday's scan showed my cervix was back in the upper 40s!  Woohoo! 

Movement?:  Lots of little bubbly jostles.  A few more obvious "thumps."  Also, some more intense movements that feel like major rearrangements.  They don't seem to be responding to outside stimulus for movement, yet.  I absolutely love every single thing I feel. 

Food Cravings?:  Salt.  I just want french fries all day.  My sodium intake seems to be spinning out of control.  I really need to do something about that.

Gender?:  Two boys!!  Definitely confirmed.

What I Miss?:  Um.  Can't think of anything.

What I'm Looking Forward To:  Next week's big anatomy scan.  Checking to make sure growth is on schedule and looking at all the organs in more detail. 

Weekly Wisdom:  If anything feels "wrong" don't feel too embarrassed to talk to your doctor.  When I called last Friday to tell the MFM that I was having a lot more contractions than I had been, he had me come in for a scan (I happened to be in town for a meeting).  Everything looked fine, and I told him I felt kind of silly not knowing to ask or not ask.  He said "Always ask.  You've been through a lot to get here.  Nothing is more important than those boys."  It made me tear up a bit.  I really like my MFM. 

Milestones: Feeling movement more regularly.  Looking obviously pregnant.  (My belly has hit a very basketball-shaped phase.)  Getting our first baby clothes from my MIL.  She is quite excited to dress them alike (I doubt that will actually happen very often).  When I looked at the two matching onesies (which seem HUGE), it hit me that a few months from now there will be actual babies inside of them.  I couldn't stop staring at them.

Onesies from DH's mom.  Bear from my mom -- their very first gift.  Oddly, the picture is on its side...

How's Daddy?: Very protective.  Trying to get me to slow down.  On a mission to get us a vaguely affordable, reliable minivan.  Fascinated by the changes in my body.  Every so often he reaches out to touch me and says something like "hey, there's more of you than there used to be!"  Or, last night when he was hugging me and held my back, he said "the skin is getting pretty taut!"  He keeps touching my belly and kissing it. It's beyond sweet.

Emotions:  High stress and anxiety at the moment.  Which isn't good.  Work is ridiculous.  (For instance, I started this post three days ago...)  Added to the general stress of having two new classes this semester and just trying to keep up (which I'm not doing a great job of) is the stress of all the budget issues my school is facing right now.  Which are making me feel INCREDIBLY guilty about taking leave next year.  Things are seriously going to hell in a handbasket and, if I came back to work earlier, they would be a smidgen less hellish.  The dean tells me not to feel guilty.  My DH tells me not to feel guilty.  My workaholic brain feels guilty.  Must get beyond this.  Yes, I could come back when the babies are 2 months and the semester starts back up -- plenty of women do it.  Most, in fact.  But, I need the time away from work. And, I really want the time with the babies -- there are really no good infant care places here, especially for two.  And, professionally, I need the time away from teaching to focus on research and grants and writing some papers up during the spring semester as well.  It's just hard not to take all of the stress of the department onto myself. 

But, beyond that stupid stress.  Everything is really, really awesome.  I'm absolutely loving every second of this time.

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Phew.  That wasn't so bad... :)