I'm not sure what's up with the title of this post. I think I was feeling a bit wistful last night.
Anyway, hello to everyone! Thanks for the comments on the bump and the progress report! :) All's well here. Another week has gone by. Another chaotic week where I haven't gotten nearly enough accomplished at work or at home. One of these days I'll be OK with that. Right now it still stresses me the hell out.
Last weekend we went to Iowa for my DH's annual family get-together. (It's not really a reunion -- more like a delayed Christmas party for all of his mother's siblings (10 total) and their families.) It occurred to me that I've been going to these things since 2006, now! How on earth has time flown by so quickly? I can't tell you how happy I was to finally be pregnant this time. For the past three years, we've gotten lots of questions and watched more and more babies join the family.
My DH was very happy to realize that he will not be lapped by any of his cousin's children. His closest cousin's step-daughter has had two kids since we've been TTC. But, my DH has decided not to count that. His oldest cousin (who is probably only about 4 or 5 years older than my DH) has a daughter who got married last year who just announced that she is pregnant. But, ours will be born before hers. So, yeah, we're at least managing to have kids before the next generation starts having kids...sort of.
Lots of comments and questions from all of my MIL's siblings. She couldn't come to the party and we won't see her until late March, so I think she sent all of her sisters to gang up on me. All very supportive and incredibly excited for us.
Then, two days later, I got a message from my MIL saying that "everyone said you looked great but very small." Ugh. OK, people. First of all, I'm measuring at about 27-28 weeks and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. I'm NOT small. I'm just tall and normally thin. I have a very long torso for my height. I've gained 25 pounds and 12 inches around my stomach. Without clothes, my belly looks like a big basketball. I just started out small and everything is very spread out starting WAY up under my boobs. Normally, these comments don't really bother me (except that I get comments on the same day from different people saying "wow, you're huge" and "wow, you're so tiny" and it's kind of hard to know how to respond to both other than to just smile). But, in this case, my DH has been fielding "comments" from my MIL since she found out I was pregnant about how she was sure that being a vegetarian was a problem and how worried she was that I wouldn't gain weight. When I was about 18 weeks pregnant, we talked on the phone and she said "are you starting to gain weight, yet?" Uh, yeah, I'd gained almost 20 pounds. My doctor is fine with my vegetarianism. I'm very careful about what I'm eating. I get enough protein. My bloodwork is all normal. I'm not even anemic (well, yet)! Even with twins! And, no red meat! It's a miracle!
(Note: this isn't a comment targeted at any of you who said I'm carrying small. I realize that, in comparison to others, I'm carrying small. It's just a vent because my MIL is using it as a comment on my health and the health of her grandsons.)
And, even more importantly -- my babies are doing GREAT. We had our big anatomy scan on Wednesday and both are measuring within a day or two of their "date." They are 14 and 13 oz at this point. Which is kind of crazy to imagine. The sonographer couldn't get a couple of the measurements she needed (they're both very stubborn and don't like to change positions when she wants them to), so we'll get those later. But, the important ones were all done and everything is fine. No signs of any birth defects or chromosomal problems. My cervix is looking great. All is well.
Which, I guess, leads me to another vent about mothers. My own. I love her to death and she's BEYOND excited about the babies. But, we cannot get through a single conversation about my pregnancy without her making some comment comparing it to my cousin's wife's triplet pregnancy. When I said something about having a long torso and that being a good thing for twins she launched into a discussion of "well, that's what everyone said about K, but we know how that went." Or, if I say anything about my cervical length being a little low she says "well, with K they rushed her to the hospital after one of her checks." When I was first pregnant and bleeding and scared it was "well, K didn't bleed but she had horrible, horrible morning sickness that put her up in the hospital multiple times."
And, I know she doesn't mean anything by it, and I know she is just sharing the only common info she's familiar with, but it's as if I can't be "special." I mean, I know I am. I'm her only daughter. These are her only grandchildren. But, she lived vicariously through her sister's grandkids for years and heard ALL the details about the triplets from both her sister and from K during the pregnancy. I would just like to make it through one conversation about my pregnancy without it getting compared to the triplets. It's like twins just aren't enough. What on earth would it be like if I were ONLY pregnant with a singleton?
And, really, I'm just being silly and letting pregnancy hormones take over my brain.
Anyway, speaking of the triplets, they're all doing really well. The biggest is heading home from the hospital in the next few weeks with his smaller sisters just a little bit behind. Which is wonderful. They're all adorable.
See, I really do care about the triplets. It's just that my mother kept gushing about K's pregnancy back when I was prepping for my IVF cycle without realizing it was hurting me and it got a little bit much. So, I think constantly having my pregnancy compared to hers is just bringing that back.
And, in the light of day, it doesn't really bother me. It's just when those sudden "I must scream at all of you" emotions hit that I mind.
OK, enough of that. I hope you're all enjoying your Friday. Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I feel better. Things are great here. The babies are doing great. I'm feeling good. Hope you all are, too.
Mils can be so aggravating. Just wait til your
ReplyDeleteboys arrive; it's a whole new world of crazy!
I've gotten both the "You're so small" and "You're so big" comments. People just need to say something.
ReplyDeleteOh, I eat meat AND I'm anemic. I should eat more spinach and other leafy greens.
Do tell your mom that the comparisons are getting tiresome.
BTW, how much vit D are you taking?
I'm already envious of your long torso. I'm short and am not sure how this is going to work. And I agree, people just need to comment. It is completely possible to be vegetarian and be healthy - my mom has never understood that either.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow "Oh, you're so small!" er, I get how that feels and I can't believe that I said it to you and my only excuse was that I said it knowing that you look small because you're LUCKY! At our 20 week scan with Mac the sonographer actually said "Wait, you're HOW far along?" and then gave my belly a disapproving stare. And that was from a health care professional who was just supposed to tell us if our baby was healthy or not. Thanks a lot lady!!!
ReplyDeleteBut here is how it turned out for me - after all the concerned whispers and glances at my TINY belly (and also, mind you, HUGE torso) I had an 8lb 6oz baby who within two weeks was at the 99th percentiles for weight. And NOW people look at him and say "He's HOW old?" because they can't believe he's only 11 months.
You can't fricking win so don't even try.
I think you look fabulous!
I never got the you're so small. I was a house. Embrace the tiny baby bump! I think it's hard not to get annoyed at stuff with all of those hormones running through your system.
ReplyDeleteI think you mom is probably doing it because you both are carrying multiples. Maybe it makes her feel like she can relate, but it's just not working that way.
B&G were both 13 ounces at 20 weeks are were 6.1 and 6.8 when they were delivered at 35w 6d. You're doing great! I had a fairly meat free pregnancy since it grossed me out. I drank a lot of protein shakes and milk!
We get comments all the time about raising our kids as vegetarians. People are like "when I get them to babysit I'm giving them a steak!" Okkkkkaaaay. I think not. So while I wasn't pregnant, I've heard about it on this side.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud (in a kind way!) about you saying you never get enough done at home and at work and one day you'll get used to it. If you're like me, you'll never get used to it. There just aren't enough hours to devote to BOTH to feel completely satisfied. But it'll be ok, it's just a different way to view things. And in the end, who needs sleep?
And I'm so sorry about being compared to the triplet pregnancy. That would annoy me. Luckily my Mom doesn't have anyone else who adopted internationally so I don't hear any comparisons, and she's pretty darn happy with her twibling grandchildren. Although when I say how busy I am she says "I know, I remember those days." But really? She had us ONE AT A TIME and it is just not the same, but I just silently scream.
Ugh, I am sure your mom is well intentioned but it doesn't make it any less annoying. I had a big fight with my mom over my baby shower and I KNEW she was comparing my pregnancy to my SIL who had a devastatingly difficult pregnancy. I had to finally tell her that my experience was not my SIL's experience and she shouldn't assume that I felt the same way she did. Sheesh!
ReplyDeleteI too get the tiny and huge comments, they both bother me but as long as I know my bub is healthy, who cares!
People are just ridiculous, that's the simple fact. Everyone seems to have an opinion on everything about pregnancy...and I really hate to tell you this but it's kind of a warm up for what you have in store once these babies arrive. Everyone has an opinion on how to dress them, how to get them to sleep, when they should start on solid foods, how long they should nurse and so on. Maybe with your MIL you could just keep saying, "the doctors are happy with my weight gain and overall health", every time she makes a comment. With your Mom I'd stick with, "well, every pregnancy is different", when she compares it to your cousins...unless you want to take the more direct route =) Maybe she'll get the hint eventually.
ReplyDeleteComments from MILs and Ms can be so frustrating and potentially hurtful... even when they don't mean it to be. I find that it's often about how they say it as well...so annoying :( Sorry that you're having to field these comments from them... the most important thing is that you and bubs are doing great :)) Love to you all xoxo
ReplyDeleteWonderful to hear the babies and mommy are doing great! Thanks for your kind comments this week...
ReplyDeleteI am also very tall, with a super-long torso. I carried a nearly-eleven-pound baby very comfortably to 40 weeks when I went into labor, and frankly, long torso space and carrying small as a result is totally awesome because at the end when everyone else is moaning about how they just can't get comfortable, you will be limber and still feeling good. Maybe if you have twins you will reach the uncomfortable point, but you know you will hit it way later than if you had less torso space to put them!
ReplyDeleteAnd, also mostly vegetarian diet (I do ocassionally eat fish) clearly did not hamper my child's becoming a behemoth of a baby in utero or via nursing. Heck, my own mother was a complete vegetarian with me and I was what can only be kindly referred to as a "robust" baby who grew into a 6' tall adult on a completely vegetarian diet as well. Your MIL can seriously lay her concerns to rest.
As for your mother - I get that she's just trying to related, but I'd say something about it when the comparisons are ones that lead to a more pessimistic outlook. I think the trying to cheer you up by comparisons is more understandable (e.g. I know it's hard to carry multiples, but it all turned out okay for K and you only have twins which is much less fraught with danger).
Anyway, best of luck!
as long as you're healthy and happy and the babies are healthy and happy..that's all that matters. but i know how annoying and niggling it is -- i get that with olive "oh she's a HEALTHY baby!"...what? why don't you just say she's FAT?? and then after a couple of people said it, i started worrying that maybe she's too fat...and even though i knew i shouldn't give it a thought, i did. so big hugs to you & strength to ignore it in the future!
ReplyDeleteand mums'...although we love them they quite often put their foot in their mouths and just don't have a clue!
well, first, thrilled that things are going so well with le bebes!! Grow little babies grow!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing awesome, everyone carries differently, every pregnancy is different. They can all shut their big fatty mouths! I am 5'10 and I gained FIFTY - count em - FIVE ZERO - pounds with a singleton I was STILL told I looked SMALL! And then out popped a 9 pound 5 oz healthy baby boy! Don't sweat the stupid comments. Just smile and nod and ignore them. Maybe you can gently mention to your mom that this is different that your cousin's wife's triplet pregnancy? I know she's trying to relate, but tell her that being compared to her is scaring you a bit (or something to get her to shut up!) and you hope she can just listen.
Grow, babies, grow!
I so thought I had commented on this... gotta love baby brain!
ReplyDeleteMILS/M's have some fabulous opinions.... that of course need to be shared..... Seriously you are doing great! I've gained 8lbs (i think) with a singleton at 22wks, you are doing fab for twins - your doctor is not concerned, and the weight gain should pick up over the next 18wks.
Whats the line about opinions and a**holes? ;) Just smile and nod, smile and nod *hugs*