Just call me Kanga

Today was the best day ever, I think.  I got to do kangaroo care with S for an hour and got to hold D for nearly an hour, too!!

(Kangaroo care is skin-to-skin contact with a preemie that apparently helps them regulate their temperature, breathing and heartrate.)

When we got there this morning, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold them.  Uh, yeah!!  We thought we might be able to hold them yesterday, but they were both a bit jaundiced and under the UV lights, so they couldn't come out.  It was also scary because D was having some breathing problems and just coming in the NICU and seeing him struggling a bit to breathe and then both of them under the lights just made me scared.  They were really fine, but it didn't make me feel loads of confidence.  By the evening, though, he was breathing better and we got to watch S get his daily measurements taken.  He was so incredibly sweet during it all.

So, I wasn't really expecting to be able to hold them today, either, since they said it could take several days to clear the jaundice (which could also come back).  But, when we got there today, it was just after rounds and the doctors had already turned S's light  off and you could see his face again!  (They wear the fancy glasses whenever the UV light is on.)  Beautiful.  So, after I changed his diaper (which I totally love doing -- I'm sure that will completely change as they get older, but doing it while it is one of the few ways to feel like you're being useful for your child is a whole different ballgame), the nurse got him out of the isolette and put him into the front of my shirt and I sat and rocked him for an hour.  I got to hold him!  I got to KISS him!!  This is the first time I've done either of those.  So incredible.

Then, I went to pump (and, yeah, milk just flows so much better after you've been holding the baby) and have lunch and, when we came back, it was time for D to have a meal and we got to take him out of the isolette so I could hold him while he was fed.  He couldn't do kangaroo care because he couldn't spend too much time out from under the UV lights, but having him in my arms and kissing him was just incredible.  I couldn't stop playing with his little fingers and cooing at him.

And, apparently, lying with them regulates my stress just as much as it regulates theirs.  With both of them, within 10 minutes of holding them, I was yawning and falling asleep sitting up. 

We've decided that D is our "eater" and S is our "breather."  D is increasing his milk volume at nearly every feeding.  They go up 3 mL every few feedings if it appears they're tolerating the previous volume (they check by suctioning milk back up from the stomach to see if any is left).  He's already up to 15 mL today (after being at 6 mL yesterday afternoon) and will likely go to 18 mL tonight.  Hopefully he'll start gaining weight soon -- yesterday he'd stayed constant after the initial post-birth drop.  S has had a few times here and there where there is still milk in his stomach that he's just digesting slowly.  But, they're trying him on 9 mL today and hopefully he'll start heading up soon.  He, too, maintained his weight yesterday, so hopefully it's just a matter of time before he starts heading up.

S, on the other hand, is the breather.  As of this afternoon, he is no longer on any kind of breathing support!  Completely cannula free!!  You can see his entire face and he just looks so sweet and so much less fragile.  D is still struggling a little with breathing and is on higher pressure room air (so, no extra oxygen, but still with the cannula).  But, still in excellent shape.

I'm feeling pretty good.  My pain isn't too bad at this point. I'm making sure to relax and lie down as much as possible. 

We're still not quite sure what's going to happen housing-wise once my parents head back home.  I think tomorrow morning we're going to attempt to see if there is a space at the Ronald McDonald house.  If there is, we'll move in there tomorrow night and stay as long as we can.  If there isn't we'll stay with my parents a few more days and then check again or find a cheap hotel room somewhere.  My DH is up and down between our house and here every couple of days.  Poor guy.  It's a lot of driving.

I'll get some more pictures up at some point.  I'm on a high right now, really.

Time to go be a cow as my husband says.  

(Yeah, this seems to be turning into a baby blog... I just need to get everything down.  Things are changing so quickly.  The boys are only 4 days old and I can't believe how much has changed in that time.)

(Oh, and thank you all SO much for all of your comments and support.  They mean so much to me.  I'm hoping soon to be able to get back to at least a little bit of commenting...)