Update on all of us

Hi everyone,

Well, somehow a week has gone by since my last update. I've determined that life in the NICU is like living in some sort of weird time vortex. Every day feels like it lasts forever but, when you look up, suddenly two weeks have gone by and you don't know what happened. My DH keeps saying things like "well, that was crazy what happened last week" and it turns out it was the day before. Or even earlier that day.

The boys are doing well. D has had a bit of a set back. His breathing started to get really labored, again -- he's always struggled more to breathe than S has. He had an episode where he completely stopped breathing (it was about 30 minutes after we'd left) and they had to use the bag to get him breathing again for a few minutes. The whole thing scared me to death but, apparently, the doctor wasn't incredibly concerned because "it happens with preemies." That day he looked just terrible -- very weak and pale. They tested all sorts of things to see what was wrong. Could have been a heart problem, could have been an infection. The doctor was convinced it was a heart issue. But, scans showed it wasn't. They've been treating it like it was an infection, but all x-rays are clear and all cultures are negative. He is getting better, but his breathing is still a bit labored and he has had to stay on a little bit of assisted air with occasional boosts of oxygen. The doctor isn't particularly concerned. I guess this happens with preemies. But, I hate hearing the damned alarm going off to say his oxygen levels have dropped, again, all the time. I just hope they can wean him off of it soon.

S is doing well. He's had a few heart "episodes" where his heartrate drops suddenly. Usually, it comes back up on its own in just a few seconds. A few times we've had to sort of poke him in the foot to remind him to breathe. Again, the doctor says "that just happens with preemies sometimes." Actually, she believes it happens with full term babies sometimes, too, but that no one knows because they're not on a monitor. Regardless, I HATE it. It's incredibly scary.

They're both tolerating their feeds well and gaining weight. They're still being tube fed breast milk for a while longer -- hopefully they'll let me start trying to breastfeed by the end of the week. They're both above their birth weights. D is at 3 lb 12 oz and S is at 3 lb 8 oz. They are doing better at maintaining their temperatures and are moving toward getting out of their isolettes and into an open bassinet. D could actually do it already, but they're keeping him in the isolette until his breathing is better.

They're starting to show their personalities. S is our calm, cool dude. When he wakes up, he kind of looks around and checks out his surroundings. When we're changing his diaper or taking his temp, he just watches us. He stares at us when we talk to him and has incredible expressions. I swear it seems like he smiles at us. He's been rooting around when I (or my DH, who finds it funny) hold him and seems really ready to nurse. When we hold him, he stares at us and moves his head around trying to get into a better position.

D is much more reactive. Partly that seems to be because he's not feeling well and he really doesn't like the nasal cannula. He has mastered the Elvis sneer and gets a little smirk when the nurse realizes he has, once again, pulled his feeding tube out. I think he does it on purpose just to get to her. He likes to chew on anything he can when he's starting to get hungry -- his hand, the pacifier, his nasal cannula (which he is forever pulling out and putting into his mouth) or the pulse oximeter when the nurse put it on his hand instead of his foot. When he gets upset and uncomfortable, I just put one hand on his head and hold his feet bent up at the same time and he just calms down. He loves to snuggle when he's feeding -- his breathing calms immediately and he sleeps.

Holding them together is incredible. They always end up holding hands by the end. My heart stops and I start to tear up every time. They're beautiful and I love them so much.

Overall, they're doing really well. They just need to get bigger and get over some of these issues.

There have been some crazy moments. One that was absolutely insane and that I'm not ready to talk about, yet. I'm feeling good, overall. My stomach muscles are still really weak, but the c-section recovery has been pretty good. Living at the RMH has been weird but good.

The boys will be "34 weeks" tomorrow. According to the doctors, though, they don't hit 34 until Friday -- all due to a mistake my RE made long, long ago when referring us to the MFM. (I never thought that stupid 3 day error would piss me off so much!) We're hoping that they get to start actually trying to suck at that point. After that? We're just waiting for them to grow so they can go home. I really hope it's sooner than later.

I have wanted to thank you all individually so much for your support and comments over the past two weeks. But, I've really only been able to read blogs and comment on my phone while pumping (which basically is all the time...) so it's been hard to do so. Thank you all so much, though.

Speaking of which, it's time to pump...

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