A post 3 years and 9 months in the making

We're home!!!

(That's screaming D on the left and angry S on the right.)

There are babies in our house. Our babies. In our house. At home. With us.

Take home babies.

It's incredible.

We had a little ceremony to celebrate the removal of our battered green NICU bracelets (there was strawberry shortcake and sparkling cider involved):











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Thank you all so much for your comments on the last post. And, seriously, practice CPR. We're going to arrange another course for ourselves and anyone who might take care of the boys. Right now, I try not to think too much about the details of what happened or what could have happened. I can think of it as an "event" in the past but not of the specifics. The details bring it all back and I start to feel the panic again.

Everybody is doing well. We got home late Wednesday last week. D was finally released from the hospital after 6 weeks and 6 days. I am so thankful to be in my own home after 48 nights of living out of a suitcase. We're settling into a routine with the babies that is working pretty well for us. We are incredibly lucky that we are both "off" for the summer, so my DH and I are able to rotate nights "on" with the boys. They generally sleep for about 2 1/2 to 4 hours at a stretch. As much as we can, we try to keep them on the same schedule. Otherwise, we end up feeding one or the other pretty much 24 hours a day!

Right now, they're still exclusively getting breast milk. More bottles than nursing, though. Which, of course, means that when I'm not feeding or holding one then I'm likely pumping. My supply right now is just enough to keep up with them -- it's not increasing much anymore, though, (lack of sleep seems to be the most likely culprit) so we're probably going to have to start supplementing with a bottle or two of formula a day relatively soon. Which I'm fine with. I want to continue to pump as much as I can for as long as I can. It is practically a full time job to produce enough milk for twins, though.

Here's an official update on the boys at 7 1/2 weeks old. Today is, after all, 39 weeks! :)

D -- Last week, D was 5 lb 13 oz. We have a check-up tomorrow and I'd bet he has crossed the 6 lb mark by now. He looks huge to us! He has a round face and solid little body and looks out at us with giant eyes. After nearly 6 weeks of breathing difficulties (he still breathes a little faster than he should), he finally came off of all oxygen support and now likes to let us know that his lungs are perfectly fine thankyouverymuch as he SCREAMS at an incredible volume when he's upset. I swear he sounds like a pterodactyl (as if I knew what that sounded like...) Generally, though, that's just when he's hungry or suffering the outrageous indignity that is a diaper change. He's starting to be awake a little more and looking around at everything. He loves to be held on his tummy looking over our shoulders.

S -- At last measure, S was 5 lb 3 oz. It's funny what a big difference 10 oz will make when it's such a large percentage of your body weight! He looks tiny compared to his brother. S is still our silent observer. He's actually fussier than D in general. But, he's usually more easily consoled. He has been dealing with some reflux but smaller, more frequent meals and a little zantac seem to be helping. And, even when he's upset, he's never as loud as D. S likes to look at everything around him. He looks very concerned when he's checking things out. We call him our serious old man. He loves to lie on our chests.

S is still dealing with the issues that led him to the ER. Essentially, he hasn't quite mastered the SSB (suck-swallow-breathe) cycle. Usually, he's fine. But, at almost every feeding, there's a point where he just kind of drifts off for a bit. Either he's sleepy or he's just distracted or overwhelmed and he just stops breathing. Sometimes you have to pace him and can get him going again just by taking the bottle out of his mouth. He'll stay paused a few more seconds and then suddenly start to breathe again. But, other times he won't and we'll have to poke his foot or blow in his face to jar him back into breathing. The apnea monitor will go off if he hasn't taken a breath in 20 seconds. Most of the time we get him going before then. Sometimes he gets a little dusky gray before he goes again and makes a terrible choking sound as he starts to breathe again. D actually does it, too, but he tends to re-start himself a little more easily.

At this point, it doesn't really phase us to have to get them breathing again (although I do have a little adrenaline rush of anxiety every single time) because we realize what's happening. The first day we had S home after the time in the pediatric unit it was happening at every feeding (and the doctors hadn't realized it was an issue, yet, because it wasn't happening at the hospital since he was on the pulse ox monitor and everyone was subconsciously using that to cue into when he needed to take a pause). I was having anxiety attacks over feeding my son because I was afraid he was going to die every time. That's not really a good thing. He's getting better and doesn't have "stalls" as frequently. And, we're more confident.

Right now, though, it does mean that we're the only ones who can feed either one of them. Probably true for another 5 weeks or so until they really grow out of this.

My husband has been incredible. I mean, I always thought he'd be a good father but he's never been great with changes to his routine or mess that wasn't under his control. But, yeah, he's more than stepped up to the plate and has been amazing. And, I love, love, love watching him holding them and feeding them and talking to them lovingly. I can't help but smile and cry with happiness.

Anyway... I should probably post this before it becomes even more epic. I've been trying to write it since last week. Or the week before. Or something like that.

But, yeah, I'm home and my babies are home and I'm exhausted but I'm INCREDIBLY happy.