"You have to see the baaabyyy"

Yesterday was just one of those days.

My DH forwarded me an e-mail from some friends who we really like but somehow never manage to see.  Actually, that's not really true, we got together with them regularly...until they got pregnant.  They had the baby in November, but I don't think I've talked to them since August.  I just can't do it.  I found out they were pregnant, in person, on the first day of a new cycle.  I then got to see their u/s pictures a few months later on - you guessed it - the first day of a new cycle.  I was trying desperately to stay smiley and happy, but I don't think I did a great job.  I think I came across as rather fake.  I don't know how long they tried.  I don't know what they went through.  But, it doesn't matter.  I can't seem to be happy for them.  I really wish I could because I like them a lot.

"You and Rebecca should stop by sometime and meet the baby."

I literally started panicking.  The thought of meeting their son makes me hyperventilate.  I skipped a concert the husband was giving last night because I just can't stand the thought of seeing them or their baby.  I gave the excuse that I would cough during it (and I probably would have).  My DH doesn't get it.  To him, these are people we like.  Before IF, we even talked about how we'd probably have kids at the same time.  I think that's the real problem.  They are yet another couple leaving us behind (and they're younger than we are which isn't helping).

"Do we want kid stuff?"

Huh?  Apparently DH's mother called to tell him that his sister is running out of room for the baby stuff from her two sons and she asked him if we wanted it before she takes it to a consignment shop.  All I could say was "could you at least give me until the weekend to see if I'm pregnant or not?"  I'm feeling so discouraged right now and you want me to haul in a bunch of baby crap and store it?  We don't have storage space, so let's just stick it in the dining room where everything else ends up and let it sit there and mock me every day.  We started TTC when our first nephew was 6 months old.  He turns 2 in two weeks and his little brother is now 6 months.  That has been hard enough.  I always assumed that we would inherit their hand-me-downs.  Are you telling me that my time is up?  This is how long I had to get pregnant?  If I don't take all their baby things now and store them then we don't get them?  I understand that they can't store them forever; I just thought we'd be ready for them before they were ready to get rid of it all.

MIL:  "Why are you going to take that to consignment?  Give it to your brother and Rebecca!" 
SIL:  "Mom, they won't want it."
MIL:  "Oh, sure they will, I send them baby things all the time.  I know how much they appreciate it."
She really does this.  Somebody shoot me.
SIL:  "Mom, I know what they're going through, they won't want it and they don't want the baby things you keep sending them."
MIL:  "Oh, you're being silly.  It's a waste of money.  I'm going to call them and tell them they can have it...Oh, hi son, I'm here at your sister's and she's going to give away all this perfectly good baby stuff!!"

The last time I saw the friends who have the baby?  The day my MIL showed up with a moving truck full of baby things for us that she'd been buying over the years.  She cooed and ooh'd and aah'd over our friend's pregnant belly and, when we complained about all the baby stuff she said to my DH "This is what happens when you wait until you're 40 to have kids!"

Just one of those days.  Feeling anxious.  Feeling hormonal.  Feeling incredibly discouraged.  Mocking myself for ever feeling positive about this cycle.

It's the 1WW.  How else are you going to feel?