I'm enjoying a day off -- our school gives the students the day after Easter off (and calls it "Spring" break so that they don't have to admit it has anything to do with a religious holiday) so that they can spend time at home on Sunday and have time to travel back to school. I'm so glad for the three day weekend.
Thanks for your comments about the new plans. I think that moving on to a new clinic is a good thing. Right now I'm going through giant swings between feeling really excited about the prospect of IVF and feeling a sense of panic about the idea of doing IVF. Having watched so many friends on-line go through IVF, it isn't such a scary unknown, but it still stresses me out to think of it. I guess it feels like up until now we've just been "trying" and, if we turn to IVF, we're "TRYING."
My DH seems to be mostly on board. I almost think he's happy to try this new clinic because it makes us wait for a while. When I said something about needing to make an appointment with them relatively soon because we'd need to do CD3 b/w with them (and that would either need to be in early May or we'd have to wait until June) he just kept saying "wait until we get the information packet from them." I just said that I wanted to make sure he was aware of the timing and he kind of bristled and left the room. When I try to discuss any of the timing of the summer with him, he seems to close off. I'm not sure if he's just tired of hearing me talk about it, feels out of control, is worried about money or what.
I know that he's really doing this for me. If he had his way, we'd just keep doing Femara-IUIs every month until I'm 42 or it finally works, whichever comes first (I'm feeling like 42 would be first...). In his mind we only have maybe a 10% chance of it working each time, so it isn't unusual that it hasn't worked, yet. So, we should keep trying that until it does. Yeah, that's because his part of the process involves a two day notice from me of when I'll need him, a hotel stay and a 5 minute, not entirely unpleasant contribution. Oh, and giving me a shot in the ass. Mine involves medication induced loss of emotional control, constant embarrassing rescheduling of work, at least four days a month of 3-hour round trips to be "probed," painful bloating, stabbing pains in the ovaries, painful sex with ovaries about to pop, a fun speculum up the hooha, five minutes of stabbing searching for my cervix, stabbing catheters in my uterus, cramping, spotting, PMS and monthly total emotional breakdown. Oh, yeah, and getting a shot in the ass! You could see why, to him, this really isn't that big of a deal!
I'm hoping that "once we get the information packet" we can actually talk about it all. I'm not saying he hasn't been wonderful through all of this and he is definitely always there for me. Just the fact that he was seeking information on his own means the world to me. But, I know that he really doesn't feel quite the same sense of urgency as I do.
And, that's OK. Someone needs to stay sane through all of this.
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteLOL on camouflaging Easter! Holy Friday is a holiday here, so it's just too obvious to be PC. When everything's covered in purple, it's not simply Spring Break.
The TV even passes religious movies, but they never get the timing right.
They show Easter themed films on Christmas and vice-versa. This weekend they showed an Italian production of the early years of the Holy Family.
Being Italian, the whole thing was way too sexy to be believable. All the actors were gorgeous, of course, with perfect teeth and freshly ironed biblical clothing.
The pillow talk between Joseph and Mary was hilarious! A woman had stopped by his shop, pretending she needed him to fix a wooden stool, just to come on to him shamlessly.
Then he came home and told Mary that a very beautiful woman told him she thought he was handsome and Mary was jealous, then they made passionate love together – a very accurate depiction of married life 2000 years ago, a time when people were stoned to death simply because they were rumored to have done something vaguely dishonorable - LOL!
As for your DH, I know how you feel. He's supportive, but not in so much of a rush.
DH's also like that. I think it's a mix of wanting to keep us calm, being strong for us and also keeping the stress levels down. It can have the opposite effect sometimes - LOL! - but they mean well and, most of the time, we should admit it, they are right. We should relax more.
Hope this small break is good for both of you and, of course, I very much hope the IVF is successful on the very 1st try!
It's funny how differently DHs react to this kind of thing, as opposed to us--the wives. My DH irritates the crap out of me all the time by saying things like, "It's okay if we don't have a baby. As long as your healthy." Over time, I've learned that it doesn't mean he doesn't want a baby. He does and he gets emotional about it (just not in the same way as I do). Men just don't have that instinct about becoming a parent like women do. To them, their first concern is us and making us happy. Most times, that's not a bad thing but I really do understand your frustration with his response. I feel the exact same way (though I am also glad to have someone always remaining calm while I'm a nutcase).
ReplyDeleteI hope this month off of meds and procedures gives you the relaxation you need to go into this IVF cycle feeling refreshed and ready to go.
It's entirely possible that your husband read the playbook used by my husband. The "don't panic, nothing is really wrong, we are just on the wrong side of the stats, let's take more time before starting anything as dramatic as IVF" approach worked for a few months and then, well, I basically made the appointment with the RE and told him to be there.
ReplyDeleteBTW, you make your cycles sound truly epically horrible. I actually am more of a normal person on these drugs than I was on Clomid (or lu.pron, the devil drug). But I do empathize with the "ovary popping" -- I'm set for retrieval tomorrow and am essentially wearing a muu muu because I can't deal with a waistband.
I think they can sense when we are getting really into something and take the opposite approach. Maybe he's afraid of the shots?
ReplyDeleteI hope this month off gives you time to relax!
Congrats on the three-day weekend. I really wanted one of those when I had to wake up this morning.
Wow - are you married to my husband? :) I think that it takes guys a little longer to process things. Like you mentioned, you (and I) are spending a lot of time on the internet, hearing all about IVF from our bloggy friends, and the more we hear about it, the more "normal" it seems, and the less afraid of it we are. Our hubbies don't have this time on the internet (at least mine doesn't!) and doesn't sit around and talk about IVF. Even though we've talked about it some, I honestly don't think my Hubs has a clue about what is actually involved! So maybe your DH really just needs to see the information packet - I bet he's hoping it will explain it all to him, and he'll feel better about it. For my Hubs, if he doesn't understand it completely, he won't agree to anything. Last week I said to him - kind of joking - "what about not doing the IUI and just jumping to IVF?" I don't think I've heard such a strong "No!" from him in a long time!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with talking with DH. Hopefully you both can figure it out together and make a plan!!!
I hope you get your packet soon and you can start talking about it. My husband is the same way. They just take a bit longer to get use to this situation. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMen definitely process things differently than we do, don't they! I'm sure you're right that he's just not as informed therefore not as involved yet.... That, and boys are silly! :)
ReplyDeleteAlso forgot to ask, is your post title from a Friends episode??? :)
ReplyDeleteLOL Mel. Didn't think about that, but it surely is! I think Friends lives in my brain and comes out at some point pretty much every day...
ReplyDeleteOur men must all belong to the same club! It's incredible how similarly they process TTC-related stress.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will get all the IVF information from the new clinic very soon, and you guys can make a plan and get things moving towards that summer BFP! Yay!
I feel the same way when I talk to CB sometimes. Just the other day when I yelled while he was giving me my IM progesterone, he got annoyed, & asked why I yelled. I told him when someone repeatedly sticks a 1 1/2 inch needle into your butt after 9 days in a row, it hurts! sometimes I wish he could take the meds, mood swings, nausea, & everything else while I just go about my business & wait.
ReplyDeleteI hope this new clinic is just what you need. Use the time off to take care of you, & maybe do some fun things with DH!