Man, I know how the cows feel

My college has an active farm where they teach agriculture classes and do research. It's a small program so all the students get hands on experience. Great for pre-vet students or those who are planning on going into agriculture.

Friday night I accompanied a group of our summer students on a tour given by the farm manager. I've never identified more with cows and horses in my life.  I felt like they were describing my 9 months of visits to the RE.  (Warning, this is WAY TMI -- but with animals! ☺)

At the cow insemination barn:
"So, we give the cows injections to get all of their cycles to align."

It was killing me not to ask what drugs they were using.  Do they use BCG (bovine) instead of HCG?  Are they just getting them to ovulate or are they also stimming them?  Do you have to suppress for a while first so they'll all go at the same time? Or is it like when you have a bunch of women living together and their cycles all synchronize?

"The cows all line up in this chute and we take the cleaned bull semen samples and insert them into the uterus...with our hand."
Uh, can I say how grateful I am for the speculum and catheter at this point??!?  Can you imagine having to have someone shove their entire HAND up there?!

"We send them out into the pasture with the bull afterward because sometimes it just doesn't take.  The cow wasn't ready or, well, it just doesn't happen."
Kinda wanted to ask if they tracked the cows' temperatures to see if they'd actually ovulated.  Then I thought, wow, some of these poor cows must have unexplained infertility.  I feel bad for them.  (Especially since I imagine there's not much use for a breeding cow with infertility... eep.  Thank goodness that's not how they treat us...)

At the horse insemination barn:

OK, first off, fun fact:  bull semen can be frozen in liquid nitrogen indefinitely while horse semen has to be used within about 36 hours or so and breaks down if it is frozen.  Isn't that bizarre? 


"Here's the set-up for collecting the horse semen samples.  This is where the mare stands to get the stud excited -- she's behind a barrier so he can't get to her.  Here's where all the people stand to watch."
Thank goodness my poor DH didn't have to produce a sample with a bunch of people watching.  I will never be able to think of him as anything but a "stud" now, though.  I'm sure he doesn't mind...

"This is the AV -- that stands for artificial vagina."
I think I'd rather picture my DH using the sterile cup, thank you.

"One of our two studs is really good about using the AV.  If you put a certain harness on him he just comes right in and knows what to do.  He's ready."
Don't you see that same look after a while on all the men waiting at the RE's office?  OK, I'm here, I'm ready, give me the cup.


"We have special equipment that will wash the semen and count the number of good sperm so we can see how many different samples we can split the sample into to use on the mares.  Sometimes samples are good and sometimes they aren't."
How many times have we all discussed sperm counts from IUI samples?  I wonder how the stud feels about the numbers?

"Here is the ultrasound equipment we use to examine the horses.  This is what their follicles look like when they are about to ovulate.  We also use this to confirm a pregnancy."
I feel for you poor little mare having someone probe you every other week or so...

"This is the pen we put the mares in so we can inseminate them.  You're working at their backside and you really don't want to get kicked."
I definitely felt like kicking my RE more than once when she jabbed my cervix with the catheter.  OUCH.  Those are some nasty cramps.  And, again, that was just a catheter...not an entire hand!!


So, what have we learned today?  Fertility treatments are the same all over.  But, it could be worse! ☺