Friday evening was a bridal shower for a friend. We're really not very close, but her fiancé is one of my husband's closest work friends and drinking buddy. I only really knew one other person there (my friend D). I'm not really a party person or particularly into awkward social gatherings where I don't know anyone.
And, of course, there were many discussions about when the new couple would have kids. I wanted to slap the woman next to me who kept going on about how long after getting married you should have kids and that you should then have them be exactly four years apart -- because that's what she planned and did and it is just perfect. Wouldn't you LOVE to be able to plan something like that? ARRRRGGGGHHHH!! I also realized that my friend D (who is 29) has a timeline in mind for when she and her husband are going to start trying -- and it seems like it might start soon. This makes me nervous because she and her husband are our "go to" childless friends. D said, for the umpteenth time, that she's certain that she's uberfertile because her family has 7 sets of fraternal twins. I feel alternately anxious that D will have twins the moment she starts trying and anxious that D will get stuck in IF hell and have no one in her family who could understand.
A definite positive: the shower was where our wedding and reception were held. It is a beautiful converted horse barn (it never actually had horses in it) in the country. I hadn't been there since our wedding and I just love it so much. They had a book of pictures of some of the weddings that have happened there as advertisement. I swear, at least half the pictures were from ours! It was so nice to look back at it all and remember how wonderful it was.
Overall, the shower was really nice and I had a good time. But, you all know the feeling: "crap, another one married, what if they have kids before we do??!!!"
Saturday was our younger nephew's first birthday party. I really haven't been looking forward to it. And, it was just as hard as I thought it would be. I found out about two new pregnancies while we were there. The hardest one being my SIL's in-laws who are 8 years younger than I and got married a year after we did and who are due two months before I would have been. Fun. There were so many children running around under the age of 3. I was near tears the entire time. I hated it. I put on a happy face and did my best to be helpful and remember that this really had nothing to do with me. I also hid in the bathroom multiple times and cried.
Allow me to wallow in self pity for a moment. This younger nephew was conceived about two months after we started trying. The announcement came via u/s picture on-line on the day I got AF after we'd been trying for 5 months (remember when that felt like a long time?) He was born on day 6 of my first Clomid cycle and we went to visit him the next day when I was going through crazy mood swings and hot flashes and had a migraine that was so bad I couldn't turn my head. I was visiting him a few months later when I got a phone call telling me that my FSH levels were high. We got the invitation for his first birthday party the day after I started miscarrying. He's the sweetest child in the world and I love him, but at this point every association I have with him seems to remind me of my childlessness. I had been looking forward to being comfortably pregnant at his party but, instead, I just felt more hollow.
Oh, and apparently I scare small children now. My SIL's friend's 2 year old was so terrified of me that if he was playing and turned around and saw me he'd get this look of utter horror on his face, back away slowly and go to his mom and say "hold me." He didn't have a problem with anyone else. Just me. Apparently he's never done this before. Everyone thought it was funny. And, it was. Except for the fact that it wasn't. I don't know what horror I reminded him of, but it really didn't help my self esteem or my anxiety about the party in general. Good times.
OK, I'll stop whining, now. Just needed to get that all out.
Gosh...sounds like a tough weekend. I always worry about the day that our go to friends get pregnant - I know it's coming soon.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't whining, and you DO need to let all of this out. Believe me, I can relate to the hatred of going to little kids' birthday parties. Those have to be the worst. I'm sorry some of the conversation at the bridal shower wasn't fun, either. I have to smile when people talk about planning to have children. We know well that it doesn't always work out that way, does it? I hope that things are better today and you don't have any more child-related events to attend for a while!
ReplyDeletexo
Wow, what a lot of TTC baggage around your nephew! Of course you love him, but I'm so sorry about all the heartbreaking associations. That must make being around him really difficult. And noooo! Our go-to childless friends must remain such until we are decidedly pregnant and staying that way. It's in the contract--I checked. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteThat second party sounds like hell. Sorry, I don't think I would have been able to deal. I can't imagine handling a children's party right now, its hard enough seeing preggos, let alone their off-spring. I would have been there crying in the bathroom with you! I can totally relate to nephew-baggage, it is not fun.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
I've been hearing a lot of people talk about planning children and it just makes me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the party. I had a similar situation with my niece and a lot of her events were always around CD1. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that.
I'm so glad it was your wedding site, because otherwise it sounds like it would have been pure hell! I can imagine the calendar of grief tied up with your nephew's biography. And the fear that the newly married will suddenly conceive. That's creepy about the toddler freaking out. It obviously has nothing to do with you, but still - not fun.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be so great when you can go to celebrations like this and have them be untainted. SOON, I hope!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I felt horrible when one of my last "go-to" childless friends had a whoops pregnancy before marriage. That was tough. And also, I ended up skipping a party similar to the one you attended this weekend because it was way too hard. I can completely relate on so many levels. Get it out there and know you are NOT alone!
ReplyDeleteAww sweets, huge hugs coming your way! Sounds like a tough weekend, especially the birthday party.... You were so brave to even go - I would have claimed sick and stayed home having my own party of the pity variety!
ReplyDeleteWe ended up with childless 'friend', as in single guy friend, since we had no couples left....
Crap, what a weekend {{{HUGS}}} I hope that you are knocked up before anyone else even thinks of telling you any more baby news!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had such a tough weekend. I hate stupid fertile people, by the way. That woman that went on and on about having kids every four years, etc... makes me ill. I've listened to those conversations about the perfect distance between children, and I can't even comprehend. Uh, how about as soon as I possibly can because I'm sure it will take forever to have the second???
ReplyDeleteOh God, this is all so familiar, right down to the announcement of the new nephew (niece in my case) six months after we'd been trying (which indeed felt like an impossibly long time back then). I've got that same niece's baby-naming ceremony to attend next month and am already anticipating several weepy bathroom breaks.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're a better woman than me, attending all those "festivities"! I would have bowed out of at least one of them. And, yeah, I was one of those people who thought I'd be uberfertile and yea, not so much. I'd never wish IF on anyone, but we can attest that it's not wielded fairly by the IF fairy and you can be the only one in your family who has problems.
ReplyDeleteI hope you week gets better! {{{HUGS}}}
Don't you wish we could "pre-hide" all those online updates that twist the knife? Get on that, facebook. Or google. Someone. Not that we aren't eventually happy, but I wouldn't mind a pre-hide button for news! I hope this week looks up, girl!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had such a rough weekend. It's soooo hard :( Thinking of you! Big hugs, and hang in there, and hoping for some sticky miracles :)
ReplyDeleteI just don't understand the karma that is associated with those of us that are trying so hard and those the just happen to have it easy. I really wish there was something nice to say other than I understand and know how you feel. I wish there was something more we could do. I wish there was a way to put everyone else on hold and save all these normally fun, silly things for a time when we can truely enjoy it. I hope your week is full of normally, non-emotional related things.
ReplyDeleteI hear you all the way--I can't help but associate my friend's kids with my own lack thereof (e.g., if we'd gotten pregnant cycle X, our kid would be one year older than there's . . .). I hope things get better.
ReplyDeleteWow! it sounds like a crappy weekend:( I am particularly sorry about the b-day party. It just plain sucks to have to suffer through all these events. I wish people would be more considerate in general when it comes to this topic.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will start to feel better soon!
I am sorry you had such a trying weekend. I admire your strength very much. I too probably would have found a reason not to attend one or all the events. I hope that you have a better week.....thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteugh. that sucks. i'm sorry that you had to endure that party. IF is so shitty on its own - i hate that we have to put a happy face on so much in the other areas of our lives because of it as well.
ReplyDeletethinking of you :)