Welcome to ICLW! Don't know what that is? Click on the orange box over there ---->
For anyone who is new -- I'm Rebecca and my DH and I have been trying for #1 for two years. We had a BFP after 20 cycles, but lost it at about 12 weeks. My detailed history is over on the right.
Approximately there ----------------------------------------------->
(ok, there-ish, it's really lower down than that, but I'm enjoying the arrows)
So, here's a question for you. How is it that when we were trying for 4 months it felt like a lifetime but, somehow, when we've reached two years it is starting to feel like we've barely been trying at all? I think part of it is that the longer we've been trying, the more people I've "met" who have been trying for 3, 4, 5 or more years. I guess it really all depends on your perspective. We first went to the RE at 10 months with a blocked tube and I wanted to say to them "OMG, please, it has been FOREVER." But, when I recently filled out paperwork for a new RE, I almost felt like I should apologize for bothering them when it had only been two years.
This makes no sense because sometimes I do feel like we've been at this forever. But, I think it also feels like it has just become a normal part of my everyday life. Yes, I still think about it ALL the time. But, I think it has all just become so routine. Get up in the morning: frown at a thermometer. See a pregnant lady: scowl. AF shows up: cry disconsolately. Rinse and repeat.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm going through the motions.
Some of this is also coming from my confusion as to where I belong now -- it's only been four months (3 TTC cycles) since my miscarriage. Am I still infertile? Are we starting over again? Should we count that as day 0? Do we count the months I was pregnant in the length of time we've been trying? My old RE seems to think that we're starting over again and doesn't want to hear from me until we've tried for another 6 months. I don't really think that getting pregnant once washes away my infertility -- if we have a 2-3 % chance or so each month, those odds don't seem to be that good that it will suddenly work again.
Anyway, this wasn't meant to be so meandering. AF showed up yesterday and I'm feeling very crampy and hormonal and a little down.
I may be a little delayed with my ICLW commenting for the next few days as we're heading to Colorado to visit my in-laws. I will definitely get to you, though. I love ICLW.
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ReplyDeleteSorry for the deleted comment above - I should check my grammar before I "post comment" LOL
ReplyDeleteI completely understand. I feel weird saying we've been trying for 4 years, but when we're trying naturally it's like it doesn't hold as much meaning as someone trying with fertility treatments. As if just 'trying' isn't good enough when we're not spending money & doing procedures.
Some days it feels like just yesterday we had 'the talk,' and other days it feels like an eternity since I jumped on board. Sorry to hear AF showed, and I hope you're able to kick her to the curb soon. Have fun in Colorado!
Happy ICLW! I count every month even the couple months I was pregnant. It's all part of TTC and really it makes you who you are. It doesn't matter if you have been TTC for six month or 4 years...we all feel the same pain.
ReplyDeleteI, too, get confused when counting the months/years. Do I count the years we were NTNP, but incredibly hopeful? Or do I only start counting when I began completely obsessing, temping, charting, checking forums, going to the RE, etc.
ReplyDeleteIn any regard, Happy ICLW, and I also enjoyed your arrows :)
Hi from ICLW. It looks like we've been trying the same amount of time. Also had a loss at ~ 13w (because we had to terminate). I think your old RE is nuts telling you to try for another 6 months on your own again. That doesn't make any sense. Anyhow, nice to find you and good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteI had the same experience -- the first few months I found it incredibly hard, but now I've sort of gotten used to it. I cry over other people's pregnancy announcements. Over yet more possible obstacles in this journey. I've even become sloppy on my charting. But, compared to so many other people, we haven't actually been trying for very long. Yet I'd be annoyed with that RE, and feel the same about the 2-3% chance as you do.
ReplyDeleteICLW hi to you. I've been trying for an year now, so I feel kinda guilty saying anything at all. All the same in my experience, the first 6 months were the hardest because you are so sure you are pregnant each month. Now its become so routine and I know for sure I'm not pregnant each cycle. So after about 8 months, every month is a repeat. Hope your new RE is good!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, definately think the first year was the hardest and then I think you come to some numb acceptance that this could take awhile. I have been TTC for 3 years now but when I start feeling down I just remind myself that with a blocked tube it is effectively only a year and a half and I start feeling better (hehe) Did the RE help you get pregnant before or was it natural? I think the reason he probably wants you to keep trying naturally for 6 months is because they believe you are more fertile after a m/c or baby. Apparently. I think you have been TTC as long as it takes to actualy be holding that healthy bub in your arms. xox
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!
I could it all, from the moment we decided to try, through pregnancy and miscarriage and a month on break here and there...
ReplyDelete*** sticky dust for next cycle!
www.becauseofmatch.com/lesspublic
Hey sweetie...I missed some posts. I'm sorry :( But yes, I would count it all. Because you are still trying. That's the facts, ma'am.
ReplyDeleteI still think the trying for 6 months is ignorant of your doc, but that's just me. You've heard me say it before. HUGS.
Happy ICLW!! I get exactly what you mean. DH and I have been TTC for almost 3 years. Of course all those months count where you're on drugs, or visiting the doctor every other day...but what about those months when you're just trying naturally? Of course those months count in your timeline of TTC, but it almost feels like a sad joke b/c you know it probably won't happen. DH and I are "taking a year off" to pay off our IVF & IUI debt...does that mean that we're not really trying? This is just another thing us 'infertiles' get to ponder.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I hate all the hurry up and wait involved in infertility. This is my first visit to your blog. I look forward to following along your journey!
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW! I hope the new RE has more answers
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a great time visiting the in laws!!
ICLW #93
Stopping in from ICLW.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the trying and it not seeming like it's been forever even though its been more than two years.
*hugs* wishing you all the best on your journey
ICLW #163
I hope your new RE is a lot better. I still can't believe the old one is making you wait six months.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss and I think your old RE is wrong and that one pregnancy does NOT reset the TTC clock. Good luck and I hope the loss is never, ever repeated.
ReplyDeleteICLW #14
I definitely know what you mean! Even though this year has been incredibly hard, I'm more resigned to my journey than I was before. I was filling out the paperwork for my new RE too, and after filling it out and seeing it on paper, I feel kind of silly asking about IVF already. I don't know - my opinion changes daily...
ReplyDeleteHave fun in Colorado!
Thanks for visiting for ICLW! I'm so sorry about your loss ... I lost one at 7 weeks, and another at 13 weeks. Three months isn't long at all since then ... I don't think pregnancy resets the clock, but you should give yourself time to recover ... both in body and in spirit. This is a long road, and we're here to cheer you on and support you however we can!
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me feel silly sometimes is that I have been trying for almost 2 years and have yet to do an IUI! Sometimes I think we waited too long. It all depends on how you respond to treatment right? You work your way up the treatment ladder; you don't start over. But I do agree with Justine about taking time to heal.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW
I noticed that you took Femara. I am currently trying to decide to go the clomid route or opt for femara and would love to hear your input. I just published a post about it on my blog.