Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like the proverbial "other shoe" is just hovering over your head?
I'm terrified that I'm soon going to get an announcement that our "go to" childless friends are expecting. These are friends that we go to happy hour with every Friday evening and hang out with to watch football and movies. A great couple. We get along so well because we're very different but, socially, quite alike -- we like to get together and hang out for a while but afterward just like to spend the evenings at home with our spouses just relaxing.
D, the wife of the couple, has, on multiple occasions, mentioned that she's sure that she is ultra-fertile because her family has about 6 sets of fraternal twins. She's 29 and she and W have been married for 3 years. I've sensed for a while that they have a timeline in mind for when they plan to have kids and it seems like it would be around when she turns 30 (in the spring).
The Friday before last, for the first time in the 5 years I've known her, D just had water when we went out to dinner. Hmm, just didn't feel like drinking, I'm sure. But, then, it happened again last Friday and she even made a joke about getting a Shirley Temple. When her husband ordered onion rings, he stopped and asked her "are you sure you'll be able to eat them?" Then she went on for a while about how she wasn't sure if she'd make it through the movie they were watching later because she was going to be so tired.
I spent the whole evening with my heart pounding in my ears and woke up Saturday morning and couldn't stop thinking about it. My DH thinks that maybe they've just started trying (I've had water at least 3 out of every 4 Fridays with them for the last 2 years, after all) but that doesn't necessarily help my panic. That means there's a pretty good chance we'll get an announcement one way or another soon. I don't want her to go through what I've been through but I don't want to lose my only friends where I don't think constantly about my IF. I'm so afraid of how I'll act. I know that their having a baby isn't the reason I haven't been able to, but my jealousy may overcome me if I have to watch her belly grow.
I've been in a "lucky" position that most of my close friends have either already had their children or haven't been trying since we have. I've had to deal with relatively few close friend/family pregnancy announcements and showers in two years. The thought of having to deal with this with D and W is killing me.
I hate what IF does to me.
(I also hate that I seem to only whine on here. Blech. Things in my life are not bad. Really. They're pretty good. I'm happy most of the time.)
(Oh, and thank you for the recommendations for Waiting for Daisy. I just finished it yesterday and really enjoyed it -- it made me think a lot and was very moving.)
(For anyone who's counting -- I'm starting the 1WW today and my temperature shot up way high. So, I'm starting to obsess again. Damn it.)
(Oh, dear, I'm thinking parenthetically again...)
I do this all the time with our other childless friends. I wait, and cringe, and OBSESS over the signs that they may be pregnant. Trust me, you are not the only one who does this. :) And I hate it, too. I sincerely hope that your thoughts aren't true, and that you don't have to deal with this just yet. But if you do, we are here for support.
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for this 1WW.
Oh crap. This sucks. Sounds like some kind of announcement is coming... The worst part of IF is we end up having an us vs. them attitude. But yes, once people have kids, it's hard to hang out with them, isn't it? Sucks!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe this 1ww will be fruitful... Hoping!
I am sorry that you are going through this. I remember the feelings very well especially since many of my friends had two children during our three years of ttc. I hope that you will have great news to share very very soon.
ReplyDeleteUgh... yeah, this is a shitty situation. Sorry, doll.
ReplyDeleteI'll just keep my hopes up for you during your 1WW!
Oh girl, I'm sorry. I had a close friend who was "not even ready to think about kids" when I started my first cycle on Clomid. By my sixth cycle on Clomid she was pregnant (her 2nd month "trying"). Shortly after she got pregnant I sat down and told her how hard it all was for me and that I wouldn't be able to hear all the details of her pregnancy because it was just too difficult. I was scared this would drive us apart but it didn't. She was so super understanding. So maybe you could talk with D and share your feelings? Maybe getting the big annoucement when/if the time comes by phone, email or text would be easier than in person? It's ok to let your friends know your needs. Big {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteI hope that it's not the case. I'm praying that you'll have your own news to share before you know it!
ReplyDeleteyep - sounds like you are right on. It reallys sucks...I am also waiting for our friends to pass me up again.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping my hopes high for you! And I agree, I also hate what IF is capable of doing to otherwise seemingly sane and intelligent women.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I am always suspiciously watching friends and family for signs of pregnancy, hoping they will wait a little longer to start trying so I won't have to face their inevitable pregnancy announcements just yet. Once, I spent at least an hour Face.book stalking my cousin's wife because there was a suspicious-looking belly in one of her pictures--turns out here jeans were just too tight but I had to know ;) I hate what IF does to us too :(
ReplyDeleteUgh, I hate that "it's only a matter of time" feeling, and the assumption that it's obviously going to be super-easy for them (whoever "them" happens to be).
ReplyDeleteI'm somewhere around the 4dw, I'd say, so I hear ya! Sounds like maybe you're triphasic? Oooooh.
Ugh, I hate being in that situation. Like Willow, I have scanned FB pictures for alcohol. I hate being reduced to that.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about what is shaping up to be an impending announcement. I will throw up a little for you.
((hugs))
UGH. I hate to say this, but the whole onion ring comment makes me think they may already be expecting. I think your preg-dar is spot on, unfortunately. Do they know about your IF and loss?
ReplyDeleteI hate what IF does to us with this, but it is so hard. It's so hard to watch everyone else move along with ease, while we're stuck.
Temp shooting up now is great sign,for this month! Hopeful for you.
hugs.
I feel the same way about Tim's older brother and his wife. They got married when she was 31 and he was 36 so they already knew the clock was ticking for them. But then they both plunged head first into their careers and now he's 40 and she's 35, but I always wonder when they'll announce. My SIL and I are sometimes real close othertimes (like now) not so much so it wouldn't surprise me if they just spring it on us. She knows how hard it would be for me to handle so I always wonder how they'll break the news to us. I'm sorry you're faced with this unknown future with them. You know from reading my posts I'm just about the worst to give advise in this kind of situation because I am constantly so jealous, but always know I'm here for you! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI know that exact feeling and I hate it. I swear I have the best preggo-radar ever!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.... Hubs always thinks I'm crazy when I analyze things like that but we're so sensitive to it (and usually right unfortunately). I hope your temp jump means fantastic things for you!!
ReplyDeleteI do this too. And I have felt the heart pounding in my ears. I am glad you will know at least, that is some comfort. But, it sucks. It sucks to watch your last childfree couples move on, I have been there this year often and it sucks.
ReplyDeleteBut hope the temp jump means something good!
urgh. i know exactly how you feel...and i've done the stalking photos thing too! and sometimes i think that maybe my thinking about it so much actually helps them to get pregnant. like you think, "oh no! please don't tell me that X is going to be next! X can't get pregnant before me!" -- which usually is then the perfect indication that they actually WILL get pregnant, not only before you, but much more easily too.
ReplyDeleteack. well let's hope that your huge temp jump is going to turn out to be some of your own fab news that you will have to disguise for the next few months!!
-- and you do know now that of course because you've said about your temp, i'm going to be stalking your chart! haha... :D
...but you can't tell me that you haven't been logging on and looking at your chart all day long! bet you have..it's looking mighty fine! i have my fingers crossed for you!
Don't worry, you're not the only one. A very close friend of mine is going TTC next year and she's already started writing something like this in her emails: "I want to do such and such in May, but then again if I get pregnant, we may have to cancel it" and it brought me back to my "naive pre-IF days".
ReplyDeleteEver since she told me she was going TTC next year, I've always told myself, "She's going to get preggy so soon so I might as well congratulate her in my mind already" ---> self-defense mechanism, you know? He he he...but I can relate to what you wrote about why you hate IF. If only...
Temp jump is good!
ReplyDeleteYou know, when there are round and about comments like that it seems pretty clear...and then you have to be surprised when you get the official word. I am so sorry :(
Doesn't seem to me that you're over-analyzing the situation with your friend. Your instincts are probably right, which BLOWS! Gah! Sigh!
ReplyDeleteLet's just hope she's only "planning" and not actually "in progress" at this point. Hope you get your BFP before her grand announcement. *hugs*
Here from the 11/11 wish post. I hope your new RE is the ticket to getting you pregnant!! Good Luck!! And I hate to say it, but it does sound like you may need to be worried about hearing "The News" soon. I'm soo sorry honey it never seems to get any easier!!
ReplyDelete