I'm always an emotional mess during the 1ww. Between hormonal changes and anxiety about a cycle it just never goes well. I'm just feeling kind of down. Little things are stressing me the hell out and making me cry for no reason. I'm 11 DPO and starting to spot and cramp and my temp has dropped way down. So, I'm feeling like AF is on the way soon. Shouldn't be here until Sunday or Monday, but it's feeling like it might be sooner.
It doesn't help that, after weeks of sun, it is dreary and rainy and dark. I sometimes wonder if my mood affects the weather instead of the other way around. (Because I am that powerful.)
I've been nearly in tears all afternoon over the idea of filling out my employer's cafeteria plan benefits package. Last year, I set aside $3000 pre-tax for medical expenses for 2010 (you can put up to $5000 aside) -- definitely made it through all of that this year between medication, co-pays, ultrasounds, more ultrasounds, travel to the RE, etc. Something about filling out the form this year is making me feel like I'm being forced to decide right now if we'll be doing treatments next year and what they might be. Apparently the benefits office thinks it is due today despite the fact that it says on the form that it is due December 1st -- she's going to let me have until Monday. I think the timing of this as I wait for AF and still have to wait a month for my appointment with the new RE (December 14th) is just a little too much, emotionally.
My DH said "well, if we did six months of treatments and you got pregnant in July, what would that cost?" I have no idea -- depends on what we do. Of course, if we do even the most minimal intervention (Femara IUIs, for instance) it will probably cost at least $4-500 per month, so that uses up $3000. But, I don't know, just thinking about 6 more months of treatment is killing me. And, I've been going to the therapist every other week or so -- if I continue to go, that's $60/month in co-pays -- doesn't take long for that to add up, too. And, obviously, if we end up doing a lap or injectibles or any other kind of ART, we'll use the money up before we can blink.
But, somehow the idea of setting aside the money, again, another year, another time, having to think about this again, knowing that last year I thought "well, surely we'll only use about half of it for IF treatments and then the rest will be for pregnancy expenses" and half of it, instead, ended up being for miscarriage expenses and here I am trying to think about that again?
Makes me want to say "glargh" and go hide under the covers.
I have the same thoughts. Why do we have to decide now if we'll be doing treatments next year? I remember last year, I was gearing up for my first appointment with the RE, and I figured I would be pregnant real soon... I only put in $3K - not the full $5K. Boy I wish I would have done the full $5K. And now we're deciding on the same things. Yes, our insurance situation has changed, but we definitely plan on reaching the deductible if we do IVF, so then we'll pay the deductible plus 20% of costs after that, up to a $6,500 max per year. But this is only if the IVF we plan to do in 2010 doesn't work... Are we expected to plan to fail? Or hope for the best and not have the money???
ReplyDeleteCan I hide with you?
I say plan for the worst case scenario, but plan to be pleasantly surprised. You may need the funds for pregnancy and childbirth, after all! I know, insurance sucks though. Sounds like too much to think about today.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're down hon! Big decisions shouldn't need to be made during horonal times. Maybe you can set aside money for 2011 with the idea that it's for 1 month of treatment and the rest is for delivery being in the last part of the year =) That's exactly how I hope it goes!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry it's all weighing down on you at once! If it were me I'd set the money aside just in case and hope that you're using it for something very happy. :) As long as you know you'll be able to use the money no matter what happens then it won't go to waste.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs!!
i know how you feel when you think AF is coming and so all your hopes that you'd had during the 2WW are crushed and you just feel like rubbish.
ReplyDeletei'm not sure how your system works..what i know is from what you've just said - so it sounds like that whatever money you put in you can use for anything (treatments or pregnancy related medical expenses?) so i suppose putting in the same amount as this year is a good start.
i know what you mean though about thinking you'd thought that this year you'd AT LEAST be pregnant -- i did too. i remember last year at christmas hoping to high heaven that if i didn't have a baby that at least my family would be buying baby gifts for the one in my belly because i thought at least i'd be pregnant.
all i can take from this year is that we can say that we *were* pregnant. i had a long talk with my acupuncturist yesterday & he said that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves because our bodies have been through so much -- a miscarriage really plays havoc on our bodies, even if our heads don't know it.
be kind to yourself. (i know it's easier said than done, but i'm trying too) *big hugs*
I like Caryn's idea. Set aside what you would need for treatments in the hopes that you can use it for delivery. Even if your baby is set to be born in 2012 you could always prepay your OB bill.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with ya on the 1WW. I've a few days ahead of you and just waiting for that darn AF to appear. It sucks having to try and plan ahead for something you obviously can't plan for...
ReplyDeleteGlargh indeed. Can't our bods just cooperate and make the babies already? This game has grown tiresome. And expensive! So annoying to have to basically plan out a year of treatments ahead of time. How the heck are we to know what lies ahead? Sending hugs and hoping your mood lifts ASAP.
ReplyDeleteI had the exact same thoughts today while looking at my benefits enrollment crap. Good times.
ReplyDelete