Tuuuuuuesdaaaay Aaaaafternooooon

(I'm hearing the Moody Blues in my head...)

(Which is much better than when it's Friday and I can't seem to get that damn Rebecca Black song out of my head despite only actually ever hearing it twice!!!)

Ok, so apparently I now blog approximately once a week.  I haven't really meant to do that, it's just kind of happened.  I want to get back into the habit again because it helped me immensely and I'd like to start talking about things other than my personal IF (since IF is anxiety-inducing and repetitive).  I've been hanging out on Mel's Prompt-ly list, but finding that I'm overwhelmed by it and having a hard time keeping up and chiming in.  I'm going to try to do more of that, though.

Meanwhile, anyone got some topics they'd like to talk about?

Onto some bullets:

• I didn't mean for my last post to sound so dramatic.  At some point I'll share what it was all about.  Thanks, again, for all the comments and support.  I'm feeling a lot better -- time and fewer hormones will do that to you.  (Of course, now we're just a few days from a whole new batch of hormones, but who's counting?)
• Last Thursday an alumnus of my program stopped by to chat.  He works at a big chemical production firm and we were talking about students' preparation for classes and the job market.  It was an interesting discussion and I was feeling very good -- I love talking about education with people who are interested.  Until the inevitable. We were discussing working with students on problem solving and he said something about trying to get his 14 year old son to understand calculations with units.  I agreed with the issues he was having and mentioned how I have a similar issue with my students and what I've done with them.  He interrupted and said "um, well, I'm pretty sure you don't have any kids of your own, right?  And, you're just talking about students?  It's different."  Um, excuse me?  My 13 years of experience teaching chemistry to nearly 1000 students is nullified because none of the kids WERE MINE?  What?  Yeah, your ability to help your child with his homework definitely means more than my experience as an actual teacher.  My bad.  I forgot.  I'm not a parent, so I don't count.
• This weekend my DH and I went up to his sister's house to help out with her kids while she was out of town at a meeting.  They just (as in the day before) moved to a new house, so it was a little chaotic.  I spent all weekend helping my BIL with their rambunctious 2 and 3 1/2 year old boys.  (My DH was distracted building a fence to toddler-proof their screened-in porch.)  It was exhausting but incredibly satisfying.  Yes, I felt like I might collapse at several points, but it just felt so good and useful, you know?  I love our nephews (despite the fact that the older one seems to hate me -- he hates anyone who isn't his mom, I think).  Putting the younger one down for a nap or at night was such an amazing experience.  And, yes, I lucked out that my BIL took the older one who resists sleeping for an hour or more and the younger one is angelic in comparison.  But, watching him slowly calm down just made me calm down, too.  But, I don't know, as exhausted as I felt, it just made me want it all more.  It was a satisfying exhaustion. 
• ...The reason I keep bringing that up is that my BIL never let an opportunity go by without saying "you're sure you want this?" or "Tired, yet?"  I understand that he's exhausted.  I understand that he's just trying to make a joke and connect.  I understand that moving in 100 degree heat with two toddlers and your wife out of town is insane.  I understand that we're all "getting older" and don't have nearly the energy of 20-year-olds doing this.  I understand all of that.  But, seriously?  You know what we've been through.  You know we've been TTC for nearly 3 years.  You know I had a m/c more than a year ago with nothing since.  You KNOW that we're probably about to start IVF.  You guys got pregnant easily, but your wife had two m/c before you had your first son.  You should know what that feels like. YES.  I AM SURE THAT I WANT THIS.  YES.  I AM TIRED BUT IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER.  Even with all the stress and exhaustion, would you wish your kids away?  I'd take a weekend of this sort of exhaustion that ends with giant hugs and kisses and squeals over swimming and watermelon drips and, yes, even nose-wiping and soothing cries over a weekend of being alone any day.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!
• Phew.  Sorry about that.
• Two of my only close friends around here just moved about 15 hours away.  Last Thursday was the last day we got to hang out -- our tradition is to watch Project Runway at their house every week so we got to watch the first episode of the new season together.  We always end up talking so much (and hitting pause) that the episodes take about 3 times longer than they actually are.  I'm so incredibly sad to see them go.  The husband of the couple got a new job and it is really an excellent opportunity for them as it is a great school and much closer to their families.  They were my only vegetarian friends in town and the only "couple" friends we have who are child-free and likely to stay that way.  The wife of the pair was my only close "girlfriend" in town.  I'm going to miss them immensely.  We'll try to keep in touch and we already have plans to Skype while watching Project Runway once they're settled down.  But, it just really isn't the same and it's been making me very sad.  I told my DH I just wish that it was easier to make real friends as an adult -- especially when you don't go to church and don't have kids.  I wish all of you guys lived closer and we could hang out together IRL!  :( 
• To end on a sweeter note:  Saturday was my mother's birthday.  I was hanging out with my younger nephew playing with cars (or trains or trucks or planes or some such thing -- these two kids are REALLY into transportation) when I remembered I needed to call her.  She wasn't around, so I left her a message saying "Happy Birthday!"  My nephew immediately chimed in and started singing the birthday song!  It was about the cutest thing I'd ever heard.  My mother loved it.  It broke my heart that it wasn't her own grandchild who was doing it, but it was still beautiful and sweet.

Wow, that was long.  See, this is why I need to write more often!

To sum up:  I'm doing better.  Apparently I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to teaching because I'm not a parent.  My nephews are exhausting but fun.  Yes, I still want to have kids.  Phew.  I wish my friends hadn't moved so far away.  My nephew is adorable.

Any questions?  :)