Hum de dum

Let's see, what's going on 2ww-wise? (I originally thought I didn't have much to say... yeah, not so much.)

• This wait is moving SOOOOOOOO slowly.
• My boobs are still hurting like there's no tomorrow.  Worse than the pain when I was pregnant, actually.  As I said before, this started the day of the IUI (before the prog supplements), so definitely "self-produced" progesterone related.  I tend to have breast tenderness during all 2ww's.  In fact, it's a good sign because, for the first three or four months after my miscarriage, my breasts weren't hurting at all during the 2ww which made me wonder what was going on in there.  Usually it doesn't start so early, but, usually I'm not popping out multiple eggs produced by "rocket fuel," either.
• Prog suppositories are doing OK.  For the first couple of days they seemed to be causing lots of intense pain that felt like it was focused in the same place as the uterine scar of my former fibroid (ghost fibroid pain, perhaps?)  Similar sharp pains down the right leg as the fibroid used to cause.  But, that doesn't seem to be happening anymore, so that's good.  Because that wasn't comfortable!  And, Tylenol wasn't helping too much.
• I'm getting used to the constant "not so fresh" feeling. 
• I'm rather irritable but I'm beginning to think that might be just me and not the various hormones.
• My DH is super optimistic about this cycle.  That makes me alternately happy and nervous.  He said "oh, I have a conference near the RE's clinic on the 1st and 2nd, we should plan to go down to do the blood test and stay overnight."  Of course, we're only going to the clinic to test if I get a positive on a pee stick that morning.  It makes me nervous to plan that ahead.
• How do I feel about this cycle?  I have no idea, but I lean toward cautiously optimistic.  I have actually let myself imagine it working out.  I haven't done that since probably my first IUI back in 2009.  I was trying on clothes for the conference I'm going to (it's in Miami and I wasn't sure what "nicer summer" stuff would fit) and I even started imagining what one dress would look like if I were pregnant.  And, dare I say it, I put a pillow under the dress!  How's that for flashing back to "newly TTC" optimism?
• (I'm terrified that this optimism is going to come crashing down on my head.)
• I'm highly enjoying the C+B IVF/IUI meditations. 
• Yes, the whole "April Fool's Day" testing thing is bothering me slightly.  The universe wouldn't play a cruel joke on me with that, would it?
• The conference I'm going to is with two colleagues -- big beer drinkers when traveling.  And, usually I'll have a beer with them.  The last time I went to a meeting with them, I was 8 weeks pregnant (but they didn't know) and I kept having to beg off of the specialty beers they were trying and got lots of strange looks and "don't you want to try even a sip?"  But, if they were suspicious, it was OK because, eventually, they would have found out I was pregnant.  One of them has already started going on about the beer we'll drink.  I'm working on my "I'm on medication" excuses as, this time, I really don't want them thinking that.  (Of course, they're guys so they probably won't even notice...)
• If this cycle doesn't work, I'm not sure how I feel about next cycle.  Next cycle will be exactly one year (likely to the day) from the cycle I got pregnant.  If it worked, then every single milestone would be the exact same date that my miscarriage cycle was.  That makes me nervous.  If this cycle works, then I'd already be 4 weeks ahead every time one of those "bad dates" came up.  I think that's part of why I'm really hoping this one works.  At the same time, I wouldn't plan on skipping next cycle (unless forced) because waiting it out would be worse, I think.
• Did I say that this wait is taking FOREVER?!  Yeah, it is.