Back to life, back to reality

(Apparently it's "name your blog post with a song" day today.  I'm a little disturbed that this came from a cheesy late 80s song, but that's OK...)

Howdy all!  (Not sure where that came from either...)

Do you know what happens when you give up caffeine because you're pregnant and then suddenly start drinking lattes again?  I'll tell you what:  your mind races so quickly that your fingers can't keep up!  Caffeine has a very interesting effect on me -- you can see my body start to process it as I start to perk up and talk faster and faster.  At some point I realize it is happening but there is nothing I can do about it to slow myself down. 

Whee!

OK, I had a point here.  Hmmm....

Oh, yeah.  Had a nice weekend.   We ended up going to Iowa for the night.  We went to a very cool place where they have farms that they run as if it were the 1700s, 1800s, etc.  Shockingly we weren't the only people there without kids.  Best part:  free root beer floats (sorry Erika -- just read how much you hate them!! :) )  We went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Ames (had a lovely glass of wine) and then I finally found a dress to wear to my friend's wedding that doesn't make me look pregnant. 

Sunday we decided to hang around at home so we climbed to the top of our roof with a blanket and pillows and watched all the crazy people in the neighborhood attempting to blow themselves up.  And, we could see the city's fireworks from there.  It was really cool to have the near fireworks and the far fireworks because it was like fireworks in 3D!  And, very peaceful and romantic, I have to say. 

Last night it was back to reality -- the 5th of July.  A friend of ours always has a 5th of July party (because you can still set off fireworks legally here through the 5th and they're usually pretty cheap by then).  I'm not a fan of the 5th of July.  The 5th of July is my father's birthday.  For those who don't know, I haven't spoken to my father since I was 16.  July 5th is always a big reminder of the pain of our relationship (won't go into that now).  This year, especially, since two days before my BFP I got an e-mail from some woman who says that she's my father's girlfriend (he's been through about three wives and who knows how many girlfriends and fiances since he and my mother divorced when I was 5) and was having a surprise party for him for his 65th birthday and wouldn't it be awesome if I appeared?  Yeah, not really. 

Anyway, that wasn't really the point.  The point was that, at the party, I got back to the reality of "so, how are you doing?" *pointed glance at stomach* from people I haven't seen in a while.  Hate that.  Did I used to do that to people?  I really hope not.  Of course, I do the stomach glance, now, but without the question because I'm terrified that I'll see something there.  And, July 5th was supposed to be the day that I was "OK" to tell people.  So, it sucks more.

OK, so I feel like I'm babbling.  I'm going to blame the caffeine.  Time to get back to the real world of work.  Even though I worked during all of this, I feel like I've been gone for weeks.  My brain has definitely been somewhere else and I've been doing the bare minimum to get by.  I hope I can refocus, but I don't know how not to think every day about how pregnant I "should" have been.